Cupcake Sunday and Silly Saturday

Kaia wanted her very own blog so we started Kaia's cupcakes at http://kaiascupcakes.blogspot.com/ if you want to check it out.  As you can probably guess, it is a cupcake blog and we have now completed our first cupcake recipe.  This site will only be updated once - twice a week as we choose and review our cupcakes for you.

Now, on to our silly Saturday.  Yesterday, I decided that it was time, finally, to get to the post office and mail some deployed friends care packages.  This meant three different packages, a Mommy, and a sweet little baby.  Kaia did excellent at first.  Then, she decided that she wanted to be held, so fussed at Mommy.  Imagine a disgruntled woman, a 4 month old baby in hand, three bags of goodies for packages (not yet packaged), three boxes, three customs forms, and a roll of tape.  I know, hillarious, right?!  So I'm carrying her, trying to keep her from fussing, writing, and trying to scootch along the line with my copious amounts of stuff.  Everyone was looking at me funny and trying to find out if they could go around me.  Which, of course!, this is going to take me awhile people!  Then they start looking at me funny for a different reason and someone finally asks if I need help.  All cheery like I say, "No, thanks!  I think we're good, but thank you so much!"  At which point she looks at me funny again and I look at Kaia to coo at her and keep her happy.  To my utter horror, Kaia has a pen mustache!  Literally, a pen mustache people!  A crooked line above her lip and below her nose!  I did that to my baby!  I'm feeling like the worst mother at this point but am so happy that I at least didn't poke her in the eye!  Then the lady asked me if I wanted her to help by holding my baby!  Um, that is super sweet lady, but Hell No!  I don't know you!  Maybe you can help me scoot my packages along or tape up my box, but hold my baby?!  Oh no!

We finally made it out of the post office and off to the mall to pick up some more wintery stuff for baby.  We ended up getting Daddy a count down calendar (The Office)!  Then we went to the Baby Gap where I again ended up holding Kaia and pushing her stroller.  So many cute things!  My baby totally dresses better than me!  My favorite purchases?  A cute pair of white faux fur boots and a cute pair of mittens and hat.  The hat is a little bunny hat and the mittens match.  Yay for warm babies!  Now the trick is going to be getting her to keep her little boots on!  But yeah, yesterday's excursion definitely reminded me why we don't get out much! 

Happy Halloween Everyone!

Thank You

I know a lot of you lovely ladies do thank yous on Thursdays.  Makes sense.  But, today I am just feeling very thankful in general.  Here are some things I'm thankful for today.

1.  I talked to my handsome hubby this morning and the connection was only crappy for a little while at the end.
2.  Last night I had dinner with two fabulous ladies.  (Thanks Karen and my darling little girl!)
3.  The blogger community!  Ladies, thank you for your wonderful, amazing, inspiration.  Thank you for your comments.  Your honesty.  And your beautiful, creative, and humourous posts.
4.  That the dogs have not escaped, peed/pooped in the house this week.
5.  That my Mom is coming in to town this week.
6.  That my husband's great.  Even when he's not here he still makes me feel beautiful and special.
7.  That Kaia went to bed at 1130 last night!!!  I know, A-MAZ-ing!  This never happens.
8.  For my fantastic friends who call me or read my blog and comment!  (Love you guys!)
9.  That my foot is slowly healing and I have been pretty good at working out this week even if it's just been walks and my cardio/strength exercise DVD.
10.That it's Saturday!

ACE

Slowly, I'm starting to study to get my personal trainer's certificate.  I think it's something I'd really enjoy.  Even more now that I'm a new Mom.  I feel, and have read from others of you who are struggling, that fitness is even harder as a new mother (or mother at all!).  I would really love to focus on women's health and fitness.  So many of us lack confidence in our body image.  We always put everyone else first.  Sometimes we just get intimidated and don't know where to start.  But fitness is so important!  Not to make us skinny.  Just healthier and happier.  Did you know exercise has been proven to lower symptoms of depression?

I would LOVE to get programs together that work for Moms (working moms, SAHMs, WAHMs. all moms).  I want to develop a community eventually.  Because that's what it's all about!  You are more likely to stick to a program when you have support!  And, besides, I'm all about paying it forward!

Some ideas I have are:

1.  Community, community, community (a place where women can feel comfortable asking whatever they need/want and where they can link up with a friend - or friends! - like them, to do joint workouts together)

2.  Develop more programs that mothers and daughters (or sons!) can do together.  Maybe even get Dads involved!

3.  Offer them at times that are reasonable for everyone, not just early mornings!

4.  Put together races and tris that can be done with baby!  (Baby in stroller, bike trailer, - swim probably going to have to be Mommy solo)

5.  More prenatal options that fit the individual woman's current fitness level and health

6.  Make it more affordable.  Design programs that fit/work for every budget.

What ideas do you have?  What has kept you, as a woman, as a mother, from working out now or in the past?  I'd love your honest feedback!

4 Months!

Hi Everyone! 

Kaia, back again!  It's my big 4 month birthday today so I thought I'd update you on my progress.  Mommy weighed me in right about 13 pounds this morning and I'm hanging out around 26 inches.  I'm starting to do a bit better sitting up by myself now and Mommy thinks I'll be sitting tall and strong by next month for sure.  Every day Mommy helps me stand for a little while and feel the carpet between my toes . . . I totally LOVE it!  I love and hate pretty much all the same things I did at 3 months but with a few changes to the list.

Here are a few more things I love:

1.  I love being held, this part isn't new, but, sometimes I even like being held when we're sitting down too!
2.  I love the sound that plastic makes.
3.  I love to laugh when I find things that are silly - like puppies.
4.  I love, love, love my Teddy.
5.  I love to kick my rolly polly snail and make him sing.
6.  I love walks - a lot.
7.  I love talking to Daddy on the phone.
8.  I really love my co-sleeper!
9.  I also love my Your Baby Can Read video.
10.I love listening to the book Daddy recorded for me.
11.I love sucking in my lower lip.
12.I love waking up in the mornings.
13.I love my fingers.

I don't love baths but I don't hate them either so they go here in the middle.

I still detest sleeping and tummy time but now the thing I detest the very most in the whole wide world is my Daddy being gone :(  Also, I hate having my fingernails clipped.

I bet you didn't even realize time was flying so fast did you?  I'm such a big girl.  I help Mommy a lot and take good care of her.  We're doing a cupcake project together now and Mommy promised if she gets good enough at it she'll make me some really special ones for my birthday.  She also said if she doesn't do too well at it she'll just buy me some really special ones, so, either way I'm pretty happy!  I go in for another round of shots next week.  I know it's good for me but oh how I hate shots!  Don't you?!

Talk soon!
Amour Kaia

Dear Daddy

Dear Daddy,

Today is Wednesday.  I turn four months old tomorrow.  And, Sunday is Halloween.  It's hard to have all these days without you, from the little everyday ones to the big important ones.  I miss you a lot.  I am sorry that I've been missing your phone calls most mornings since I'm still sound asleep like a bug in a rug.  It isn't always that way.  Here are some of the things I miss about not having you here - of course, the list is nowhere near complete, but it is the top 10 reasons anyway (in no particular order).

1.  I miss going to bed at night and having a warm snuggly Daddy next to me to drape his arm protectively nearby just to make sure I'm OK.  And,  I miss waking up and seeing you snuggled next to me on the weekends.

2.  I miss having prickly beard kisses.

3.  I miss not having to watch Mommy shower or take baths because we have each other to play with.

4.  I miss the silly noises you used to make for me - Mommy tries to recreate them sometimes but it's just not the same.

5.  I miss you coming through the door after work and giving me great big smooches!

6.  I miss you taking me shopping and buying me things, even though I don't ask for anything.

7.  I miss hearing your voice and seeing you at the same time.  Especially when you're telling me how much you love me and how pretty I am!

8.  I miss watching/helping you play computer games.

9.  I miss our occasional naps together.

10.  I miss your smells.

Really, Daddy, I just miss everything about you.  I cannot wait until you come home.  I promise to have lots of extra big slobbery kisses and hugs saved up for the moment you step off that plane!  I know Mommy's going to want to give you hugs and kisses first but I'll be fighting her for the first one the whole time, you just wait and see!

Amour,
Your Little Princess,
Kaia

Amour

What do you do when you love someone and you think they are making a mistake?  A big one.  One that can forever influence his/her life.  The biggest thing you can do.  The first thing, is to tell them.  To be honest, to provide advice.  To let it come from the heart, even though it may be hard.

But what do you do when they don't listen?  Or when even if they listen, they don't fully hear, they don't take your advice? 

I guess the only things you can do are to wait.  To pray.  To hope that it all turns out for the best in the end.  I guess you have to hope that you're wrong.

On a more positive and less vague topic.  I am back to exercising again.  Right now I'm trying to take it slow-ish.  Yesterday and today we walked.  Tomorrow we will walk but I think I might try my intense cardio/strength DVD again too.

Sweet dreams my friends.  I hope you had a great Tuesday!

Seeking Job

I'm seeking a new job.  Let me rephrase that, Kaia and I are seeking a new job.  I am loving being a SAHM for the time being but Kaia and I love being out and about and we love . . .things, lots of things.  So, we decided we should look for a job.

Know of any permanent, full-time or part-time, mother-daughter work out there?  We're open to suggestions.  We are good at walks - preferably without overly eager dogs, laughter, eating, playing baby games, watching movies, sometimes other forms of exercise, and, debatedly, blogging.  We also are fans of learning.  In fact, we'd love to learn something creative/crafty like blog design or cupcake making.  Oh how I'd love to have my own cupcake shop with cute, delicious cupcakes.  Anyone need some apprentices?

Our ultimate dream job would be to write for "Runner's World" or any other fab running magazine that would pay us a little cash to travel around the country (or world) to participate in and write reviews on different races.  How does one get such a job?

No, seriously, how do you?

Sensitive Sunday

I'm going to keep today's post short, sort of, but in honor of the Lords day, I think I'll also be super honest.

I am sensitive.  Lately, overly sensitive it seems.

I'm not posting this for sympathy/pity comments, like the person who says oh, I'm so fat or so ugly just to hear people say, oh, no, you are sooo beautiful!

I'm posting it because, since we are getting to know each other, I think you should know this about me.  Maybe it stems from a lack of self confidence but it is just as likely to be my current situation: at home, alone, with an infant, and a husband that is deployed.  Who knows really, and who cares why I am.  I just am. 

I analyze and overanalyze everything these days.  Who called.  Who didn't call.  Who said something nice.  Who said something mean.  Who didn't say anything at all.  You get the picture. 

I feel sad for me sometimes.  Sometimes sad for my baby girl - she deserves to see her handsome Daddy everyday after all.  And lots of times, I feel bad for other babies.  I feel bad for babies born to mean, uncaring, or simply irresponsible parents.  I feel bad for babies born in poverty, in drugs, in war.  Then after I feel bad for the babies I feel bad for the kids.  Then after I feel bad for the kids I feel bad for the adults (well, some of them) because, after all, adults used to be babies too and not everyone chose their situation.  And not everyone could get out of it if they tried.

What do you feel sad about?  Are you sensitive?  What tugs at your heartstrings most?

Sunshine Saturday

Today I am thankful for my beautiful friends and my lovely family. 

Last night was a tough one on me.  Todd officially left country, though he has been gone from home for a week before that, last night.  I was a mess.  Depressed might be an understatement.  Of course Kaia keeps me afloat on the daily.  Her little smiles - and need of food and diaper changes of course - keep me from going to bed and not getting out, even for showers.  But, my friends and family also help keep me going too.

My Mom calls me whenever she can now so that I don't feel lonely.  Despite my not being a "phone person" we manage to talk for hour long stretches half the time now.  My sister is also trying to help out when she can with phone calls - she's a super busy Momma too with three of her own.  My Mother-in-Law is a sweetheart and likes to call in to check up on us too.  And my bestie, Nicole, is always perfect with texts and phone calls to cheer me up.  Today, Kaia and I had a delightful day out with our friend Karen.  Thank you Karen for our lovely, beautiful, afternoon!

Of course, I talk to Todd whenever I can.  Every little bit helps but nothing is ever the same as having my other half here.
 
Now, there is you!  Yes, you, reading this right now!  You are all becoming my friends every day as you learn more about me and I learn more about you.  Thank you so much for the comments!  They too are little buoys that help keep me afloat.  I look forward every day to reading your blogs.  I look forward to reading your comments on mine.  I look forward to feeling a connection to people I don't "know."  Is that weird?  Of course I'd love to meet you all in person too but all of your fabulousness is spread across the country!  I wonder what it's like to meet a bloggy friend in person.  Do any of you know?  I'm sure it's cool and "normal like" if you meet a bloggy friend at bloggy boot camp or something but what about for coffee or lunch?  Is it awkward?  Like a first date kind of?  Do you think you meet and then love each other less?  Or do you love each other more?  Is it a sustainable friendship?  Or can it be lost easily because it started out as a virtual comittment free friendship?  Would my bloggy friends be put off by my real life appearance in jeans or yoga pants - daily people, not just once in awhile?  Or my lack of ability to wear make-up and do my hair?  Or in some ways is a bloggy friend a better friend than some you'd meet in your day to day life because they know so many more of your inner thoughts and secrets because you're always spilling the beans here and have less of a filter?

Does anyone else think these things?  Ask these questions about their bloggy friends?  Do you ever want to meet your bloggy friends in person?  Or is part of the appeal to a bloggy friend that you never have to?

Dogs & Exercise

You've met all the members of my family now, at least briefly, except Kiyoshi.  Kiyoshi has been with me the longest.  He's a Shiba Inu, if you're not familiar, Shiba Inus are a Japanese dog, almost identical to an Akita in appearance, only smaller.  Kiyoshi is loyal and overly friendly.  He is also, as 99.9% of all Shiba Inus are, an escape artist.  He finds his way out of leashes, collars, yards (yes, fenced ones), and houses.  And let me tell you, he is also fast, not fastest human fast but think cheetah fast.  Once he's off and running there are only three ways to catch him.  One, catch him when he stops to poop.  Two, run over to the car, open the back door for him and shout, "Yosh, want to go for a ride in the car?!"  Riding in the car is his ultimate favorite!  I don't know what it is.  Generally, he is not interested in coming back for a treat.

The last means of retrieving Yoshi will be revealed in this recent story.  Two days ago Kaia and I took both doggies out to go potty.  Before leaving, I double checked Kiyoshi's leash, collar, and attachment and we headed out.  All was going well, both dogs did their business, Kiyoshi even pooped.  Just after completing poop scooping detail we get ready to head home.  But, in that same instant a key change is made and Houdini is off his leash.  He takes one smirking look back and then he's off.  Well, he's already pooped so I'm not catching him that way.  My car is also too far away to be of any use and besides, I don't have my keys anyway.  So I watch him run for a moment, gauge where he is going, . . . straight towards and across (thankfully) the busy highway of course.  Where else would you expect a thrill seeking dog to go?  Duh!

I then deposit Jers back in the house and Kaia in her car seat.  We jump in the car and get a call from a lady at the gas station across the way.  "Do you own Kiyoshi?"  Sigh, yes, that's me.  OK, I have him over at the Amoco.  We pull in and there's my little buddy being held by an attendant with a Styrofoam cup of water in front of him.  I load Kiyoshi in the car and the lady says, "I was pumping gas and he just runs right up and jumps on me and the car, my dog was in the backseat.  I figured another customer probably didn't even realize he got out of their car so I took him to the store and open the door to ask if he belongs to anyone and he gets loose and starts running around the store.  Of course they tell me whoa! no dogs allowed in here but next thing you know everyone's like, aw bring him some water!"  Yes people, Kiyoshi is cute and remember, overly friendly - thanks to my superb socialization of this dog, who I used to take to work with me as a puppy.  And thus, the last way to catch him, hope someone that is not you or a member of your family is outside.  If this happens, he runs straight into their arms and makes a new best friend.

And, on to the exercise topic.  Short and sweet since Kiyoshi's story was longer than I intended.  I bought a home gym and elliptical.  Perhaps by November I will be working out better without excuses.  Of course, I will keep you posted.  I apologize for not posting stats this week but have been too depressed since I can't work out due to the broken foot.

Nightime, Height & New Faces

So, a little fact about Kaia's Daddy and I.  We're both 5' 5" or, in other words, not very tall at all.  However, somewhere Kaia has managed to acquire tall genes.  I'm not sure if this is permanent or merely a faze.  Right now, Kaia is 16 weeks old and, at yesterday's measurement, she was roughly 26" long.  I wasn't really sure what that meant to us so I pulled out my handy dandy Your Baby's First Year - week by week and I'll be darned if it didn't say that the average height of a 23 to 24 week old baby is 26" long.  Whoa!

Kaia's also taken to sucking her bottom lip in.  I did not even realize how often she was doing it until her Daddy mentioned it yesterday while we talked to him on Skype.  Then, the rest of the night and all day today I noticed how often she's pulling it.  I also found I was self conscious because Todd also told me I do it.  Say what?!  I honestly never noticed myself doing it.  There was never a time where I said, oh, I'll pull my lower lip in.  Or, oh, hm, I'm pulling my lower lip in right now.  I thought he must be crazy.  He couldn't tell me when I've done it in the past either.  He just said I do sometimes.  So, the rest of the night and all day today I kept checking on myself to see if I was doing it.  Nope, wasn't catching myself in the act.  Until I did that is.  Apparently, mid vacuum, while my mind drifted off, I stopped and realized I was sucking my bottom lip in!  What the heck?!  I swear that's the first time I've ever done that!  Sigh, or maybe just the first time I've ever noticed.  In any case, I seriously hope Kaia doesn't pick up on any of my bad habits.  I do need to use better language though, I know that.  I'm not saying I'm a potty mouth but I have let the odd bad word out in her presence and I really don't want to be the Mommy who's daughter's first word is a$$h*le or something like that.

Now, since it's almost nighttime again here.  Or should I say it is nighttime here.  I will get into what a typical night here looks like.  It's 10PM now.  I would love to go to bed soonish.  However, Kaia HATES going to bed.  I'm trying to get a good routine going so I'll take her up shortly and she'll hang out with Mommy while I get ready for bed.  Then I turn out all but the nightlights, turn the classical music on, and walk/bounce/pat Kaia around the room until she falls asleep or gets hungry, eats, and falls asleep.  This is the only method that works for us.  Please don't judge.  The putting her to sleep before she's asleep method does NOT work for us.  (Yes, I have tried.)

Also, we do co-sleep.  I know that's a big no no for a lot of you out there.  To make you feel a little better about it.  I am not obese.  I don't smoke or take any kind of sleep inducing narcotics.  I also do not toss and turn.  There are no pillows or blankets for her to get suffocated in.  OK, I think that covers the big ones before someone asks.  Oh, wait, I have a queen sized bed that currently is just occuppied by Kaia and I and the dogs do not co-sleep with us.

Moving on, since Kaia was a newborn she has slept in an in-bed co-sleeper.  We had the brand new shiny (not cheap) bassinet.  She did not like it.  Well, the in-bed co-sleeper is now almost too small, see her long legs above, so Mommy wants her to be more comfortable.  I tried the bassinet again two nights ago.  No cigar folks.  It was awful.  Last night I tried putting the bassinet "mattress" in the bed and baby proofed around it.  Again, horrible.  This was even worse than the bassinet.  Kaia was not having it at all.  Both nights I ended up putting her back in her co-sleeper as she, obviously, was requesting.  Hey, I don't have help here and I couldn't stay awake all night without putting her in danger from a sleep deprived Mommy that was liable to literally fall over.

That's our current trial.  And now it's time for us to get our bedtime ritual on folks.  Sweet dreams!  Wish us luck tonight!  As always, thanks for stopping by!

Dear Kaia

Dear Kaia,

I've been thinking about you a lot lately.  Even more than before - which I didn't think was possible - now that Daddy's gone and it's just you and I.  You are so beautiful.  I fell in love with you the first moment I laid eyes on your pretty face.  And now that you are a couple months older, your smile just breaks my heart.  You are very good to your Mommy.  You aren't a fussy or difficult baby.  You do prefer to be held, but then I prefer holding you too, so it all works out well.

You continue to get longer every day.  I wish you'd gain a little more weight though.  You are a skinny baby.  You also - generally - are an amazing little sleeper.  Whenever I think I couldn't love you any more, I do.  You give me strength.  You help me through the days without your Daddy.  You look so much like him.  You have his gorgeously thick lashes, his cute scoop nose, his ears, the shape of his face.  You do have your Mommy's down turned lips though and my eyes.  Your hair is all your own.  Your cheeks are incredibly soft and scream for kisses all day.  Your Daddy is afraid some day you will hate kisses because we kiss/kissed you so much as a baby.

I've always wanted a lot of things.  A husband just like your Daddy.  A nice house.  A car.  You!  Now I want even more than ever!  The list is so long I don't know if I will be able to fit it all into this letter but I will try.  Forgive me for anything I may forget to add.  If it's good, you can be sure I meant to write that too.

I wish and I want for you all the day long!  I want you to have lots of friends.  I want some of them to be so close they are like a part of you and you stay friends forever.  I don't want you to be teased or bullied.  I want you to be smart, to love school, and books, to love reading.  I want to give you all the things you need and some of the things you want.  I want to give you a beautiful home with a yard and your own room - maybe a pool.  I want you to always be well fed, to never go hungry.  I want you to always be warm enough in the winter and cool enough in the summer.  I want to teach you how to swim, how to ride a bike, how to defend yourself.  I want you to be healthy - physically, emotionally, mentally.  I want to be able to make it better when you do get sick or hurt.  I want you to ALWAYS know that you are loved, no matter what.  I want you to love others.  I want you to be strong, courageous, and confident.  I want you to be kind.  I want you to ALWAYS feel beautiful and special.  I want you to believe in all the important things, like God and that dreams do come true.  I want you to believe in yourself.  I even want you to believe in the little things like Santa and the Easter Bunny.  I want to give you a brother or sister some day.  I want you to love each other, defend each other, be friends.  I want you to feel protected and safe.  I want you to go to college - hopefully, not too far from Mommy and Daddy.  I want you to always be financially secure.  I want you to have your dream job - even if that's being a Mommy.  I want you to find the man of your dreams.  I want him to live up to your expectations and give you all the things you deserve to have.  I don't want your heart to ever be broken.  If anyone ever does break your heart I want to fix that too and make it all better.  I want you to learn from your mistakes.  I want you to travel.  I want you to be able to experience your world.  I want you to appreciate it and cherish it.  I want you to feel a part of everything.  I want you to love music and the arts.  I want you to know other languages.  I want you to find your passion.  I want you to participate in sports, whether that's dance, karate, or anything in between.  I want you to know, really know, your Aunts, Uncles, cousins, Grandparents.  I hope you'll see the beauty in everything.  I don't ever want you to feel depressed or hopeless.  I hope that you will have a grand imagination.  I hope you can find the humour in things.  I hope you never really see or experience war or hate.  I hope you will live out your life in a world full of peace and love.  I hope you will try new things like different foods and experiences.  I hope you never feel dependent on drugs or alcohol.  I hope you are compassionate.  I want you to sleep well and dream sweet.  I want us to be close.  I want you to know that you can always trust me.  I want you to have freedom.  I want you to be proud of who you are and where you came from.  I want you to know how proud I am of you.  I want you to grow up knowing that your Daddy is your real world super hero and that he loves you with all his heart.  I want your Daddy and I to be alive and healthy to celebrate your graduations, marriage, birth of your children, and other successes and milestones in your life.  I don't ever want to be a burden to you and your family.  I want you to enjoy a long, healthy life.  Most of all, I want you to be happy.  Supremely, purely, blissfully, happy.  I want all this for you and more my beautiful daughter.

I love you now and 'til the end of time,
Mommy

Inspiration

I spent a lot of time reading your posts today.  There were so many GREAT posts written today.  Some were all about truth.  Some where informational/educational.  Others were funny.  All of them were inspirational in one way or another.  They were well written.  They had great content.  I was reminded why sometimes women (and men) stay in abusive relationships.  I was asked to consider my own faith, my own truths.  I was reminded not to take my life, or myself, too seriously.  I was reminded that you, the wonderful people who read my blog, deserve to have your expectations met when you drop by.  I hope I'm doing that, though I am still navigating and learning every day.

Nothing overly exciting, funny, or noteworthy happened to me today.  I found out I either sprained some ligaments in my foot or got a stress fracture.  This will slow down my fitness goals this week.  I took Kaia and both dogs on a walk today.  That was a challenge but it was beautiful nonetheless.

I think the one thing I most want to write today is that yes, I'm going through things right now.  I'm a new Mommy.  My husband's gone off to the sand box for awhile.  I don't know anyone here.  But, one of the best ways to get through your hard times is by helping others through theirs.  I would love to help any of you in any way I can.  If you allow me to help you in some way, really, you are helping me.  So what can I do for you?

Does anyone need an ear to listen?  A friend to write snail mail?  Or does it help to just listen to my various stories day to day? 

What kinds of things do you want to hear from me in my posts?

Hungry

My sweet baby had her last meal last night around 1115.  She woke up this morning just before 7 to eat again.  Long sleep.  Good baby.

Mommy tried to feed her again at 1015ish.  Not interested but did choke down about 5 minutes worth.  So, I gave her a bath and got her dressed.  Tried again, nope, no thanks Mom.

Alright, got the doggies fed, Jersey's pill consumed, pottied.  Tried again.  No cigar.

Tried watching her Your Baby Can Read DVD.  A few minutes was ok.  Then we were back to fussing but not eating.  Other random things tried.  Diaper changing of course.  Playing with her favorite snail.  Pumping her legs.  Walking her around with the classical music blaring.  Alternating screaming and calmness continues.  Try feeding her again.  Angrier than ever.  Call sister for advice.  Keep doing what I'm doing pretty much.  Back in the Bjorn, jogging her around the house, then she's out like a light!  Well, that lasts for a little bit then she's back awake.  Try feeding again.  SCREAMING ensues.  Back in the Bjorn, bounce/jogging.  Starts to fall back asleep.  Mommy's awfully concerned though.  Baby's Pediatrician says I can bring her in in about an hour so we can make sure she's ok.

Mommies back to being sad.  Her sweet baby has only eaten 20 minutes worth of food in the last 15 1/2 hours!  What am I doing wrong?!  Is baby ok?!

No Daddy here.  No sister here.  No Grandma here.  No Bestie here.  Only one friend in this whole stinking town but I don't even know where she is.  Probably out of town.

What a sh*tastic Sunday!

Saturday Sunshine

I decided to post earlier than usual today as Kaia is currently napping and there is no telling if she will nap again today after she wakes up.  I woke up a bit sluggish and sad this morning.  Having Kaia to take care of is keeping me from sinking too far into the depths though.  I don't want her to see Mommy sad and crying all the time.  Besides, she kept giving me the biggest smiles and cute little noises this morning to push me along.

The sun is shining so brightly here this morning and the air is crisp and clean, though a bit too cool for my liking.  It is very refreshing.  I think I will take Kaia for a walk in it a little later this afternoon.

Now, for this morning's blooper.  Have I told you my dog Jersey is neurotic?  He is, very.  Think Salvador Dali, melting clocks and ghoulish faces on a canvas, neurotic.  Remember we had to go to the vet on Thursday?  Well, Monsieur Jersey has a sweet little rash in and around his crotchal area.  It provides the poor puppy hours of entertainment as he licks away at it, much to his mother's embarrassment - particularly while company is present.  This time the vet finally prescribed some medicine.  Of course, this has to happen when Daddy the Great is no longer here to administer said medicine.  Today was the first time that I had to do it myself.  There was no way he would eat the pill straight so I first tried sticking the pill down the center of a piece of string cheese.  He LOVED the cheese and proceeded to spit the pill back out on the floor.  Of course my other delightful dog, Kiyoshi, jumped on the opportunity for what he thought was a treat so, also early Saturday morning, I could be seen through my large kitchen windows WWF style wrestling with Kiyoshi's mouth to retrieve the "treat" back.  Some time later, exhausted, I looked down at the floor feeling defeated that Kiyoshi had indeed swallowed his brother's "treat" I spotted the culprit on the floor.  Success! 

Next I wrapped it cleverly in a slice of cheese.  See result number one.  At this point I'm pretty perturbed so raise my voice ever so slightly, "Just EAT the darn thing" it comes out a bit like a growl and now I'm acting a bit neurotic I suppose.  Well, we think Jersey, rescue dog that he is, may have been beaten as a young puppy so he tinkles all over my kitchen floor.  Oh joy. 

Last resort, I crush the stupid thing into a million little powdery pieces, sprinkle it over his breakfast and throw some treats in his bowl for good measure.  Jersey LOVES his food.  But, apparently, the dog who is afraid of the rain, the refrigerator, "tight" or "small" spaces, and his own shadow is also wise to this crushed up pill.  He finally ate a few bites an hour after it had been stirred up in his bowl but well over half remains uneaten.  Please people, for the love of Pete.  What else can I do to get my neurotic, short bus dog, to eat these stupid pills?  I can not do this every morning!

Gone

Hubby's gone.  I'm depressed.

No, I did not work out today.   No I do not plan to.

I probably will try and force myself to the gym most days from here on out until he returns though as it will be my one sure way of a stress free unrushed shower upon workout completion thanks to the lovely ladies in the kid zone.

Great and Terrible

Today was a combination of great and terrible.  It started out great.  Kaia was a jewel to her mother.  She slept for 9 hrs last night.  Amazing - (great)!  Then it was time to get ready for the day.  Does it take anyone around two hours most mornings to even get downstairs?

Phone calls to make appointments came next.  Ran in for a quick flu shot (yay for not getting sick!)  Back home for a quick lunch.  Before I knew it, it was time to go, go, go.  Jersey and Kiyoshi had a vet appointment . . . $500 (terrible)!  From there I was off to my eye appointment.  New glasses may be the answer to more headaches recently (great)!  But the price of the lenses, almost $300 (terrible)!

Back home to get ready for hubby's birthday dinner, Thai downtown (great)!  Home again to one of our favorite shows, The Office, and some birthday dessert (great)!  Of course I was feeling bad and knew I couldn't not work out again so tried out my new video, Jackie Xtreme Timesaver Training, great workout!  Terrible feeling!  My legs were so shaky, too many squats and lunges for my liking but I'm going to try and hang twice a week.  Kaia literally laughed at me/it while I was sweating it out.

Now it's finally time for bed after I post.  Hubby's bday as of midnight (great)!  Day hubby has to leave us . . . terrible doesn't even accurately describe it.

Short and Sweet

Happy hump day everyone.  Hope it went well for all you ladies!  I had a nice day which included a massage and pedicure spa treatment.  A girl can't complain about that.  I'm really going to miss the hubby everyone, and am trying to give him plenty of attention the next couple of days before he leaves.  I hope you all will bear with me while my posts may be lacking in length or content for the next couple of days.  I do have lots of good ideas for future posts swimming around in my head though!  And, my new design should be up soon!  Yay for that!

Oh, yesterday I did do a short workout - 30 minutes of Wii Biggest Loser.  It actually felt pretty tough at times but it, disappointingly, told me I only burned 20 calories.  What's up with that?!  Today I did absolutely nothing.

Support Cora

Hello everyone.  Though I want to be a mother, a woman, who inspires others, I found a blog and a woman that is stronger than I could ever be.

My daughter is my everything.  When she was only a week old her breathing slowed, became shallow, she became unresponsive in my arms.  I panicked.  Nothing I did was waking her.  I called 9-1-1.  Thank God she was ok.  They still don't know what it was, what happened.  I knew though, in that moment, that this is a mother's worst nightmare.  Even after the Doctor's cleared her, even after we were allowed to go back home, I was terrified.  I cried and cried.  Her Daddy cried.  Kaia scared us half to death.

Kristine lost her beautiful daughter, Cora, after only five days of life.  In those five days, she changed a lot of lives, and now, she is saving lives with her Mother.  Please check out Kristine's page at Cora's Story  It is an amazing story that will bring you to tears.  Kristine has written Cora 5 letters, one for each day that she was alive.  Though the story is tragic it is also such a beautiful testament to a mother's love.  Their story touched me to the depths of my soul and I am confident it will touch you as well.

Thank you!

Weekly Stats Part Trois

Drum roll please . . .

This weeks stats -
Weight: 116
Body Fat: 20.5%

So, after two amazing back to back days of workouts last week I proceeded to take a three day vacation with my husband in which we did no more exercise than walking and pushing the stroller with baby.  Thus, the increase in body fat % this week.  The weight decrease can likely be explained by the fact that hubs, baby, and I went for a mile and a half jog and I finished up with some crunches and wimpy push-ups.  Of course I knew that I could use all the help I could get so I did not hydrate before the weigh in.  If I had I am sure my weight would have been at least the same as last week, if not more.

I keep saying it, but I really need to be more dedicated to my goal.  I have too many excuses and not enough success.

Some of my famous excuses are:

1.  Kaia's fussy/ready to eat again
2.  I'm exhausted
3.  It's too late/too early
4.  I was just leaving when the phone rang
5.  I don't want to work out during vacation/my husband's last week home/etc
6.  No, really, I am exhausted
7.  I deserve a little relaxation time
8.  My favorite show is on
9.  The house needs cleaned

Before I had Kaia I used to hate to do workouts shorter than 90 minutes or two a days.  I did a good mix of cardio and strength.  I almost always fit it in at least 5 days a week if not 6.  Now I am lucky to do 30 minutes a couple of times a week.  I know I write about this a lot.  Perhaps it's getting boring to hear but I must admit I have a tendency to obsess over things.  I am also a bit of a hypochondriac and a worrier at times.  In fact, working out is probably what kept me the most balanced and least prone to depression.

Alas, on to a new week. 

Undeserving

Do you ever feel completely and utterly undeserving, yet blissfully happy and grateful?  This is the way I felt last night, and still do today.  All the women in my family are fabulous and wonderful in their own unique ways. 

My Great Grandma was one of the most amazing, warm, and selfless people I have ever met.  She took in all her children, grandchildren, great granchildren, and extended family whenever they needed a permanent home or a temporary respite.  She organized and spearheaded family reunions.  She was our family's glue.

My Grandma is different from my Great Grandma but at the same time very similar.  She was a little less "mothering" a little more rough around the edges perhaps but yet very loving and selfless.  She too took everyone in when they needed it.  I remember the countless weekends, holidays, and summers that I would spend escaping the day to day of life back home at Grandma's house.

My Mom had a tough childhood.  She didn't have a lot growing up.  Still, she put herself through college and later was forced to make the tough choice of giving up her career to stay home and take care of her kids.  My Mom was definitely meant to be a Mother.  She is very loving and still takes care of her Grandbabies when and however she can.

Then, there is my beautiful big sister.  She has forever been both my role model and my best friend.  She is an amazing mother.  She is smart, beautiful, loving, and wise beyond her years.

I also have countless wonderful aunts and cousins.

But, almost all these wonderful women have, unfortunately, often been so unlucky in love.  I, like most, have had many unlucky experiences myself from my teens through my mid twenties.  I was beginning to feel I too would never find permanent happiness.

But, I did!  I found my amazing husband - or he found me.  We dated, got engaged, married, and we just had our first beautiful baby three months ago.  I could not be happier.  I could not feel more blessed.  He is my soulmate.  He loves me unconditionally.  He makes me feel beautiful.  He does not mind that I don't wear make-up or could never win a most fashionable woman contest.  He brings home the bacon and he helps me around the house.  I know I am a lucky woman.

Soon my husband will be deploying for several months and it breaks my heart to have to see him go.  This weekend he took us (Kaia and I) on a short vacation before he goes.  As I lay in bed last night looking at our beautiful daughter and at my sleeping husband my heart swole up with my good fortune and my love for these two people.  Words could never express.  I will sorely miss my other half and I barely know how I will get on without him.

Friday Rocked!

Friday was fabulous!  First off, Kaia slept and slept and slept.  This meant that Mommy got to sleep, and sleep, and sleep, leaving her feeling well rested for the first time in quite awhile.  Then I got to meet with someone about changing my Reserve Unit.  It went well which left me extra happy and excited because I'll be able to do my actual job again AND I'll be closer to home meaning less travel and less time away from baby.  Yay!

Then we all headed out to the beach for a short weekend vacation.  It's nice to get away for a couple of days and not have to stress about anything.  (Also, as I am typing this, Kaia is watching a cute little cartoon and the little animals are laughing which is making her laugh - too cute!)

Yesterday was my fabulous niece's birthday.  Daddy's birthday is right around the corner and Kaia gave him his birthday present early.  He loved it!  Today's got big shoes to fill; I hope it measures up!

Making Friends

My beautiful little girl is going to be one of the popular girls, a mother can see these things early on.  She LOVES talking already.  When she gets going you would swear she must be speaking a foreign language you don't have the privilege of knowing.  It's not just to Mommy and Daddy though, she also LOVES talking on the phone.  She gets so excited when Daddy or Grandma calls and I put them on speaker for her.

Then, there are her friends.  Neither Daddy or I can see them, but they hang out somewhere near the top curtain line in the living room.  Sometimes she'll sit propped up on my knees and stare up at them.  They must be funny, these friends, because they like to make Kaia giggle.  Whatever/whoever they are, I like to think guardian angels maybe, I'm grateful they make her happy.

Oh, I almost forgot!  There is also her impecable sense of style.  

On another note I have now worked out two days in a row - three-ish miles with Kaia, a few push-ups & sit-ups.  I'm sore from yesterday, particularly the butt and legs.

Tomorrow starts a short vacation.  Yay!

Comments

I fixed them!  Comment away everyone!

Workin' It Out

Well, I kept my promise.  I worked out today.  In the motivating spirit of Biggest Loser I did my Jillian Michaels work-out DVD and ran up and down my stairs for 10 minutes.  This brings my total work-out time for the day to an earth shattering 35 minutes.  Does anyone else do work-out DVDs?  I know that the trainers are trying to motivate me, the slob, on the other side of the TV but does Jillian have to be so perky?  I mean, she was hi fiving, bouncing, and flirting with her co-exercisers (men and women both so no favoritism was shown ;).  In the meantime, I was sweating, panting, and stumbling around my living room while my husband, daughter, and dogs all looked on with a mixture of bemusement and pity.  This was not always this hard!

I suppose, even though short and somewhat pathetic, the end result was still achieved.  I worked out, I sweated, and I ended up shaky and wanting to vomit at the end.  And just to clarify, I am in no way promoting the Jillian Michaels work-out as the be all end all.  What I am saying is that I am, terribly and unquestionably, out of shape.

Also, I know the stupid comments thing still doesn't work.  I'm trying to fix it but I am so very un-tech savvy.

Weight Loss

Sitting here watching my favorite TV show . . . Biggest Loser.  All I can think about is how much I miss working out like I used to.  I'm thinking about my fitness goals.  I'm thinking about how I want to do it.  I'm thinking about how I want to be out there running, lifting again, doing classes at the gym.  But then I just keep thinking about how I'm not.  How whenever I get ready to go Kaia gets fussy or hungry, how when she hasn't, the day/night before was so rough that I'm so exhausted I can barely drag my butt off the chair for more than taking care of my baby or cleaning the house.  I think about how my favorite thing to do to make myself feel better and feel good about myself has always been working out.  I think about how the only other thing that really has made me feel that way is food.  I think how it sucks that food is so much easier to access right now and how I feel like I am relying on it more to keep my spirits lifted.  I think about how it's a double edged sword though because even though it makes me feel better short term, long term it only makes me feel worse. 

One of my friends told me about P90X this weekend and how it really is a great workout, one you do from home in your own living room.  I think how that's probably a little bit more doable for me right now.  So, I'm thinking about it, seriously.  I know it's shelling out more money but if it works it's worth it.  Sigh, we'll see.  I'm thinking about another version by the same trainer though because I feel like it's more up my alley.  It's called Insanity.  If I order it, and do it, I will definitely let you all know how it works for me.

For tonight, back to watching other people trying to get to that happy weight place from my comfy chair.  One way or another, tomorrow I WILL work out!

Weekly Stats

The ever dreaded weekly stats are posting now, a little late.

Unfortunately, I lost no weight.  Thankfully, I did lose a little body fat.  Amazing really when I didn't meet my fitness goals as much as I was hoping.

Weight: 117.2
Body Fat %: 19

I hope everyone's doing well out there with their fitness goals!  I've still not received any outjogging requests yet so I guess you're all doing your running on your own :)

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Mommy

Two short posts this beautiful Monday morning.

The words in the title of this blog are the four words that kept repeating themselves over and over in my head yesterday as I sat, crouched, behind the passenger side of the car on the floor of my Acura . . . pumping.  Really, I'm thinking to myself, is this my life now?  Certainly there is a more dignified way to be a Mommy without having to fear that a random co-worker may stumble by your car, wonder why your little ponytailed head is poking up at the back window, peak in to tease you about it, and see you mortified, staring back at her, shirt up, boob out, dairy cow contraption attached.  Oh please, couldn't every work place have a lovely little room for Mommies like me?  That'd be wonderful wouldn't it?  I'd decorate it myself.  I'd hope it would have a nice big comfy chair, some lovely air freshner plug in, a cute little lamp, some soothing music, a soft pillow, a lock on the door of course, and maybe some lovely photos and art work on the wall.  I don't think it's too much to ask.  I mean, no one is asked to crouch down and pee in the back of their car, right?  Couldn't that argument be made?

*sigh* I suppose a girl can dream

This is the day the Lord has Made

Let us rejoice and be glad.  Thank you Lord for getting me through my long day yesterday.  Please be with me as I go through my day today.  Yesterday I was up at 4am for work, today I got to sleep in until 5am!

I don't know what the worst part is, waking up, staying up, driving, being with a bunch of obnoxious people, or being away from my husband and baby for almost the whole weekend.  The combination is too much!

I watched the premiere of Sister Wives on TLC last Sunday.  It's about a Mormon family in Utah with three wives, thirteen kids, a girlfriend (with three kids), and one husband/boyfriend.  The first thing I said to my husband when I saw the preview was, "How is this a T.V. show?  That's illegal."  But, it aired, and I watched.  First of all, I'm not buying that whole happy, happy act they were all putting on.  Sure, I could buy the husband's happy but the three wives?  I don't think so.  I suppose TLC achieved their purpose though.  I am fascinated by these people's lives and have more questions than answers.  Alas, my questions may remain unanswered though.  My fabulous cousin texted me yesterday to the big news announcement, "Police announce they've begun an investigation for a possible felony charge of bigamy against stars of Sister Wives.  TLC had no comment."  Shucks!  Didn't see that one coming!

Happy Sunday everyone!  Weekly stats coming soon . . .   

The Earth Is Flat

And so when I went out walking - as part of my fitness goals of course, I fell off.  That's why I have not posted in a couple of days.  In a way, I wish that was the case.  Instead, my life has just gotten the better of me as of late.

After I posted design envy, I decided maybe I could be a good and smart person and figure out how to redesign my own blog.  I spent the better part of one whole day trying very hard, killing several poor, innocent, unsuspecting brain cells I'm sure, before realizing it is even harder than I thought.  I have not completely given up hope but I definitely could use a class or a really, really good Barney style break down at the least.  I'm so impressed with all the amazing women and Mommies out there who have figured out blog design, like Katie, from Fancy Pants and Cleared for Take Off.

My mother-in-law and two sister-in-laws arrived yesterday so, of course, that means a deep clean of the house before arrival too.  Busy, busy, busy!  My sweet little Kaia has taken to staying up even later than normal too.  The past two nights she has been up until 2 am.  Luckily, last night Todd stayed up with my (our) angel because this morning I woke up at 4 am to go to work for the weekend.  Yay!

I usually LOVE the weekends, but this one I can't wait to be over!

Please check back again though!  I'll try and stay on the ball - post again tomorrow - and  hopefully I'll have another clever post on Monday.