Saturday, January 1, 2011

Perfect Mother?

Is there such a thing as a perfect mother?  Or, better yet, is there ever a point at which you stop worrying if you are doing enough?  Or the right things?

I know that I'm not a total mess.  I mean Kaia's achieving her milestones.  She's growing.  She's healthy.  She's eating well.  She is, generally, happy and content.  She has LOTS of things.  Almost all the toys, clothes, furniture a baby could dream of.

Yet, I worry as far as doing goes.  I'm not doing enough.  Do I set her down too often?  Should I be holding her more?  Are there more games I should be playing with her?  Should I be taking her to do more stimulating things?  Scheduling and attending playgroups, play dates?  Are my priorities right?  Should they be different?  What would she say?  What would she tell me, if she could only talk?  Should I be working harder to get her on a schedule?

Do all mothers have these thoughts?  These worries?  Is it with every baby?  Or only the first?  Do you become a better mother the more children you have?  Is the youngest the luckiest?  The oldest the least fortunate this way? 

I feel when Kaia gets older I will be much better at this mothering thing.  I look forward to trips to the library, the park, swim lessons, dance class, eventually school.  But this, the infant stage, I'm finding exceedingly difficult.  Don't get me wrong, I love every minute with Kaia.  I love everything about my angel baby.  But still, it is stressful.  It is frustrating.  It is full of worry.  Am I doing this right?  Or, am I doing at least, all right?  OK?  Passable?

Maybe my biggest resolution for this year should be, be the best mother I can be.  Always try to do better.  Because Kaia, Kaia is the perfect baby.  I could not ask for better.  I know I couldn't.



Anonymous said...

Aw. Dont worry! Youre doing great. A crappy mom wouldnt wonder these things. =)

Kristi said...

I like to say those feelings go away, but they don't. My daughter's 8 and I still wonder if I'm doing enough. Should I be taking her here instead of there. I'm always questioning myself. I'm sure your doing everything you need to be doing. You sound like a great mother :)

Sarah said...

I worry and my girls are 9, 5, and 4. My Mom worries and I'm 31. The worrying makes you a good Mom. And you know what, No, there isn't a "Perfect Mom" to try to aim to be. However, you are the perfect Mom for your kiddo, I'm the perfect Mom for mine, etc.

Colleen said...

Oh Sweetie, I honestly think all mothers think these thoughts. I know I do and did after we got William, if that's any consolation. I think from the sounds of things you are doing a wonderful job and you find a lot of joy in it too. Take heart and keep loving your baby so much. Just be patient with yourself, you are doing so well.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Worry is that wonderful (crappy) thing that comes along free with motherhood, isn't it? I believe that the concern is what sets good parents from the rest of the pack. Other parents DON'T worry as much, and this is part of the problem.
I spent Elijah's first year in a state of panic that I was not stimulating him enough, or overstimulating him, went on and on. It's a natural part of the task we've taken on as parents. We still worry (my husband and I) that we are not doing a good enough job! I will worry when they are 89!

Courtney said...

I think you are probably doing a better job than you realize. And truthfully, I would be more concerned if you WEREN'T having these kinds of thoughts. All mothers, especially first time moms [myself included] feel the same way and worry about the same things. They don't go away the older they get. But that just means that you are a good mom and you are wanting to all of the right things for your little girl. Hope you find some contentment and some satisfaction in the wonderful job you are doing!!

Alicia@ Mommy Delicious said...

Oh the questions that we ALL ask ourselves as mothers from time to time. I know I have had my days/weeks/months when I ask, "am I doing enough?" I feel like my son is simply perfect and deserves nothing put the best. But I've given up that notion to be the perfect mother. It's too exhausting. And it makes me dwell on the "perfect" part and not on the "mother" part. It makes me miss out on things with my son. So now... I am trying my HARDEST to aim for the "good enough mother." Point blank. Period.

You're doing a fab job! Keep it up!

Elizabeth-Flourish in Progress said...

You're an amazing mama!! I'm so proud to be a part of your new motherhood journey on this blog. Kaia seems happy and healthy and content and almost all smiles!

i don't think there's such a thing as a prefect mom. But, I do know there are great moms-ones who make an effort to see that their kids are not only happy and well-taken care of, but stimulated and challenged as well. And you are certainly that!

TheBabyMammaChronicles said...

Ladies, thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful comments. It's encouraging to know that other Mothers feel, and have felt, the same way. I guess, like Sara said, it's a wonderful thing, even though it's a crappy thing too :)

From what I've read of all your blogs, you are all some AMAZING Mommies. Thank you for the inspiration!

Anonymous said...

Worrying is normal, and doesn't go away. However, I must say that your Mommy confidence will increase with time. I was so worried about everything with my firstborn. All the normal stuff. Then by the time I had my second, I was very confident in my ability because I was more apt to "trust my gut" with parenting. Do what feels right for your family, and you can't go wrong. :)

Kat said...

Lady, obviously I'm not mommy, so I can't tell you from experience.

But as a wild perfectionist, I can say that we're all nagged by insecurities and at the end of the day, if you do something right 80% of the time, the end result is usually superb :)

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