Saturday, January 22, 2011


Being a mother is hard work.  There is no question about that.  Generally, I feel that because mothering is so hard we should all help each other out when we can and not judge one another.  I support you whether you breastfeed or bottlefeed, whether you work or stay home.  I do not judge you for little mistakes or slip ups.  You can co-sleep or crib sleep.  You can home school, private school, public school.  I don't care if you buy your kids clothes from Walmart or Macy's.  But, there are some things I will judge you for.  (And I don't think anyone who reads this blogs does any of these things, I'm just saying I do judge some Moms)

1.   If you physically, sexually, verbally, or emotionally abuse your children
2.   If you neglect them
3.   If you put yourself before your kids all.the.time
4.   If you don't get them vaccinated or give them medical care when they need it (or should get it)
5.   If you don't send them to school at all
6.   If your house is so dirty it is causing a health/safety hazard for your children
7.   If you don't teach them right from wrong - even worse if you teach them all messed up
8.   If you teach them to be mean and hateful
9.   If you encourage them to be obese
10. If you excessively spoil them and they act like it
11. If you intentionally get pregnant over.and.over and you can't afford to
12. If you don't get prenatal care
13. If you are an alcoholic
14. If you use drugs
15. If you never play with them
16. If you drive like a maniac or text while driving while they are in the car
17. If you have never.ever bought (or made) them a birthday or Christmas present
18. If you let someone else physically, mentally, emotionally, or sexually abuse your child
19. If your bedroom is a revolving door and your kids witness this
20. If you're not trying to be the best Mother you can be

What do you judge other Mothers for?  Anything I left off the list?



Kristi said...

I agree with everything you said on your list. I also feel like parents don't want to parent their kids anymore. They think they can call the police, have them come out and do the job they are supposed to be doing. It drives me crazy.

Courtney said...

I agree with everything on this list!! Being a mom is tough and there are SOME things that we can OCCASIONALLY get away with; but the things you named are definite "no-no's."

Kat said...

Khara, I so love your honesty as of late - you've written some stuff that is really thought-provoking.

It just breaks my heart when I see children who want so badly to be good, but no one is there to direct that energy in a positive way.

Liz said...

Unfortunately, there are some selfish and/or irresponsible people who really shouldn't be allowed to procreate.

Kelly @ City Mom said...

I agree with your's a good one. I also don't think that you should smoke in your home if you have kids living inside it!

Working Mom Journal said...

I agree with you. I judge a book by its cover. If you are doing something that is against the law, I have a right to shake my head.

Working Mom Journal said...

You are right, none of this should be accompanied with the title mother. I dont care how hard you are working at being a mother.

Mommy Glow said...

As a parent and advocate for youth and juveniles, it boils my blood when I come into contact and/or witness children whom have been abused mentally, physically, or emotionally. The affects of such abuse is overwhelming and lasts for such a long time. Being a parent is a privilege. And I am a firm believer that many people [both male and female] should NOT be allowed to reproduce.

Kitchen Belleicious said...

I completely agree girl! Good for you to put this out there! Hope your having a great day so far! Love ya

Devan @ Accustomed Chaos said...

I agree with the majority of the list - some others i feel are a personal choice as long as they are made responsibly and with lots of information (vaccines & prenatal care)

We as people & especially mothers spend far too much time judging each other i think.

Elizabeth-Flourish in Progress said...

Wow, loved this. Totally raw and totally true. I think these are all things we think but sometimes do not dare to say.

Anne said...

Khara, I love that you are tackling these tough issues. Very thought provoking! I try so hard not to be judgmental and I really believe that everyone has the right to choose their own parenting methods -as long as they don't do anything on your list! You're a great mom!

Marisa said...

Excellent list! I often think that parenting shouldn't be a 'right', but a privelidge... And how is it that if you mistreat an animal, it's taken away from you (which of course I support) but if you mistreat your kids you get, at best, a slap on the wrist? It takes so much for Social Services to get involved, and even then it's reactive rather than proactive. Sigh.

Trooper Thorn said...

Dressing identical twins the same should be a crime.

Sandra said...

Oddly, I judge mothers who talk incessantly about their kids. I feel they have no lives and as a result are trying to live vicariously through their children, and there is something wrong with my humble opinion.
As for your comment on my post, yes, the scenario did happen! I was at a neurologist's office getting meds for my restless leg syndrome. Oh, no, I didn't leave through the "alarm may sound" door, but what I didn't include is that the lady asking for narcotics was surrounded by three urine smelling children. I didn't put that in the post. I thought it would be overkill! :)
How are classes going? Are you loving it?

Melissa (Confessions of a Dr. Mom) said...

Yeah, not only do I judge these moms...I'd report them to CPS (for some of the ones you've listed).

Some poor children never even stand a chance with certain parents. Sad.

Debbie said...

I judge all the time. I know I shouldn't but it is hard when you see these things happening.

Mandi Miller said...

I don't know if you left ANYTHING off of this list! Amen girl!!!

Anastasia said...

When you are the reason your kids got taken away and are living at a treatment center, but you act like it's there fault and your email is ""

Not too specific?

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