Monday, March 7, 2011

Managing Dreams as a Married, Sometimes Single Mother

I love being a mother.  I have been blessed with the most beautiful daughter, who is also a mild tempered baby most of the time.  I have been able to manage being a single mother for the past several months while Todd's been away much better than I thought I would (which I wasn't sure I could do at all) and, at the same time, also less gracefully than I could wish for at times too.

Sometimes I get frustrated.  Sometimes I talk to my best friend on the phone and become jealous of her freedom.  Freedom to go out to the movies, snowshoeing, running, anywhere and do anything at any time. 

I get jealous of some of the other kids at school, even some of the other women who's children are older.  They have more time to study.  More flexibility to schedule tests and extra time at school if they need it.

Then yesterday I was searching online looking up information on post bachelors programs, I want to be a nurse practitioner.  There are some AMAZING programs out there.  And then I got a bit frustrated that many of the programs are impossible for me.  I cannot move for school.  I am a wife and mother first, no matter how good a program may be.  No matter how much better it specifically fits my goals.

Then I talk to another friend and I am jealous again.  She's going out to dinner and a movie with her husband.  Sigh, it must be nice.

I know this seems like a negative post, but it isn't.  Wait for the silver lining.  I do get jealous.  I imagine we all do?  The grass is always greener somewhere.  We could always have more money, more freedom, more friends.  But, I am also so grateful for what I have.  I wouldn't trade Todd or Kaia for a mansion, money, or the freedom to go to any college I wanted (or could get into ;). 

It all just means I have to be more creative.  Work harder.  Love more deeply.  And learn how to manage my dreams as a married, sometimes single mother, with as much grace as I can muster.

I hope you all have a beautiful and blessed week!

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20 comments:

Colleen said...

I don't see this a negative post Khara. :) I really believe there are always times in our lives when everybody seems to have it just that much easier. It can be so easy to glamorize someone else's life (not saying you do, but I know I'm guilty of this from time to time). So easy to compare. But your last paragraph just sums it up so beautifully. The positive spirit that shines through those words shows you do have the grace to handle these things. You are really doing such an amazing job and your plate is full to the brim! It's no wonder a bit of relaxation time or even just more study time sounds appealing!:)

I hope your week is full of good things!

Kristi said...

I'm always a single mother, and there is probably not one day that goes by that I am not jealous. Jealous that people have help with the house and bills. Jealous of others freedoms. Jealous that when I am not feeling good I don't have someone to help me while I rest.
And then I realize how much stronget of a person I am becoming because I have to do all these things...and I have to do them on my own. And it's because of Justine that I do all these things, and she is worth it.

Selby said...

Thinking of you! :) You are doing a GREAT job handling everything. I don't think I could do it.

Kelly @ City Mom said...

I can totally relate to this feeling. I assume all moms can.

You have a unique situation though because as you said, you are like a single mom right now.

There are those moments though when I'm with my daughter and she is being so cute, or sweet, or smart or loveable or all the above...that I notice I have the hugest smile on my face, or that happy tears are welling up in my eyes that I realize there is no place I'd rather be and no life I'd rather have.

You're right, the grass is always greener but I like my soggy brown grass better! ;)

Elizabeth-Flourish in Progress said...

you are always so refreshing to read. i can admit defeat, looking stupid, feeling inadequate, so many things, but it is so hard for me to admit to being jealous sometimes. but, you are right! i am jealous of things too!

i am jealous that other woman seem to be effortlessly better moms than me, i am jealous of women who look like they came out of a beauty salon every morning.

despite these feelings, i am truly grateful for what i have.

i think you are doing beautifully. so, so proud of you.

Ameena said...

I feel this way all the time but I am never really brave enough to post it on my blog. I am jealous that other people find motherhood so much easier than me. I am jealous that they can shift and move for a job and I can't. I am disappointed that I can't take a job that I want because I have to pick up and drop my daughter. I feel guilty that I feel the way I do.

You are not alone my friend! But it sounds like you are doing a fabulous job juggling so much more than most people can handle and I am so inspired to do the same.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Very true, isn't it? It is never easy all the time, no matter the love we hold for our babes. I do the same thing, and other times, you could drag me from them. You rock!

Paula @ Simply Sandwich said...

Your feelings are valid and I applaud you for looking at the bright side. Just remember that now is not forever and you will find your season to pursue your dreams when the timing is right!
Wishing you a great day!

Kat said...

Khara, I think that being able to acknowledge what you have and at what cost you have it, is such an important thing to be able to do.

More importantly, you're able to acknowledge and embrace your blessings. THAT is a gift.

Anne said...

Great post, Khara! I think we all have that "the grass is greener" feeling sometimes. Your friend probably feels the same way about you! I have no doubt you'll be a Nurse Practitioner AND be a great mom to Kaia and good wife. I think we can have it all as long as we face our own realities.

Sandra said...

At the risk of sounding like the voice of reason (which clearly I am not), get through your nursing degree, worry about the NP after. I'm not sure how it works where you are, but where i am, I have to work for at least 2 years as an RN before I can apply for the program. Who knows where you'll be then. You may have had the chance to relocate somewhere where the NP program is offered....wow, I can't believe I sat here and gave you unsolicited advice. Forgive me if I've overstepped.
And no, you certainly were not negative in your post. Just human. We like human! xoxox

Kitchen Belleicious said...

Girl- I struggle with similar feelings all the time. I try so hard not to get jealous of my friends here in houston and my SIL and brother back home because they have my parents and my friends have their parents around 24-7 so that they can go and do things. It is just patrick and I here in Houston and although our friends are great, they don't give you the flexibility and time that your parents would if they were near. So i know how you feel but on a different level. It just makes us stronger and bond closer to those we do have and the things we have! You will make it girl. You are doing great and your family, hubs and little girl are going to be so proud of you when you are finished with school! So will I!

Shell said...

Such honesty. There is always something to be jealous over.

Mandi Miller said...

I can completely understand. Not that my husband is away or anything. But for me, it's that we are domestic missionaries. We ARE ACTUAL missionaries, we have to raise our own support and everything but we work in the States. I get jealous because it's hard living here but not affording everything our friends can afford. It's not like we are poor or anything but we can't buy and do the things most of our friends can. And although I am so happy we can be missionaries and I wouldn't trade it for anything I find myself jealous of some of my mom friends at times. You are right the grass is always greener.

I think you are doing a wonderful job as a mom and student! You are parenting a beautiful girl, going to school AND taking care of everything by yourself! You are an inspiration!

Courtney Kirkland said...

Oh boy, oh boy do I hear you. This is negative...it's REAL. This is what REAL motherhood is about. Open and honest and not afraid to say that it isn't always easy. I am jealous a lot. I won't lie. Of my friends getting ready to take of to the beach this week for vacation; of others who have family around to take care of their child so they can go to the mall for an hour alone. It's tough. Especially when it comes to pursuing your dreams and your ambitions in life. I hope you get it figured out. I know it's hard. Hugs!! :)

The Blue Zoo said...

I think we all have some sort of jealousy every single day. all that matters is how we deal with it. But let me tell you - When my kids were all little babies I couldnt wait until they were old enough to where I wouldnt feel so guilty leaving them with a sitter. And now we are at that point. Finally. And the Hubs and I have more dates, and can even go out of town occasionally.... But now, Im sad that my babies are all getting so old! lol

Melissa (Confessions of a Dr. Mom) said...

Sounds like you are doing an amazing job balancing so many things!

Honestly, when my husband was traveling for work, I was not very together. The nights are rough when it's just you and it has been all.day.long.

I admire you. You are an amazing mother who also knows that following your dreams is important.

Best wishes to you! XO

Stacey said...

Beautiful. It's so hard to be a mom, yet so rewarding as well. I have a single friend who is always traveling the world and doing fabulous and adventurous thing. And my little green eyed monster comes out once in a while. Until I think about what she has to go home to, then I think SHE is the one who should be jealous! Have a great weekend!

Anastasia said...

I agree with everyone else. This isn't negative. You are so right. Everyone is jealous of something at sometime. And it's hard being a single mother, whether it's temporary or not. And your priorities are where they belong, mom and wife. And you are going to school so you are taking care of yourself too! Don't beat yourself up. And I know it seems like forever, but eventually your teensy munckin will be out of the house and you can pursue whatever the heck you want.

Alicia@ Mommy Delicious said...

That silver lining of yours? LOVE it! it's so true -- we AL get jealous at some point and wish things could be as easier as it may SEEM to be to another person. But believe me, it's probably not as easy for them. They are probably jealous of how gorgeous you are, or how positive your outlook on Motherhood and life is. We just never know...

 
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