Undeserving

Do you ever feel completely and utterly undeserving, yet blissfully happy and grateful?  This is the way I felt last night, and still do today.  All the women in my family are fabulous and wonderful in their own unique ways. 

My Great Grandma was one of the most amazing, warm, and selfless people I have ever met.  She took in all her children, grandchildren, great granchildren, and extended family whenever they needed a permanent home or a temporary respite.  She organized and spearheaded family reunions.  She was our family's glue.

My Grandma is different from my Great Grandma but at the same time very similar.  She was a little less "mothering" a little more rough around the edges perhaps but yet very loving and selfless.  She too took everyone in when they needed it.  I remember the countless weekends, holidays, and summers that I would spend escaping the day to day of life back home at Grandma's house.

My Mom had a tough childhood.  She didn't have a lot growing up.  Still, she put herself through college and later was forced to make the tough choice of giving up her career to stay home and take care of her kids.  My Mom was definitely meant to be a Mother.  She is very loving and still takes care of her Grandbabies when and however she can.

Then, there is my beautiful big sister.  She has forever been both my role model and my best friend.  She is an amazing mother.  She is smart, beautiful, loving, and wise beyond her years.

I also have countless wonderful aunts and cousins.

But, almost all these wonderful women have, unfortunately, often been so unlucky in love.  I, like most, have had many unlucky experiences myself from my teens through my mid twenties.  I was beginning to feel I too would never find permanent happiness.

But, I did!  I found my amazing husband - or he found me.  We dated, got engaged, married, and we just had our first beautiful baby three months ago.  I could not be happier.  I could not feel more blessed.  He is my soulmate.  He loves me unconditionally.  He makes me feel beautiful.  He does not mind that I don't wear make-up or could never win a most fashionable woman contest.  He brings home the bacon and he helps me around the house.  I know I am a lucky woman.

Soon my husband will be deploying for several months and it breaks my heart to have to see him go.  This weekend he took us (Kaia and I) on a short vacation before he goes.  As I lay in bed last night looking at our beautiful daughter and at my sleeping husband my heart swole up with my good fortune and my love for these two people.  Words could never express.  I will sorely miss my other half and I barely know how I will get on without him.