The Baby Mamma Chronicles

Merry Christmas

2011-12-21T16:26:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year bloggy friends!

I fully admit I have been about the worst blogger ever but did want to say hello to everyone and let you know I am sincerely wishing you all the best over the holiday season.

Things here are going well. I am two semesters into nursing school now with two to go. Kaia is growing by leaps and bounds intellectually and she is so full of energy!

Another great year is coming to a close and I am thankful for the many blessings we have been given.

Busy, Busy

2011-06-20T07:02:00.000-07:00

As I am sure we are all, despite the summer season.

The last two weeks was long hours of work. Though I am off again now and delighted to be so. I also had to take my first, and hopefully only, defensive driver's course. For shame, I know. People, do not speed, these painful classes are not worth the time you save. Also, really, we live in a scary world. Ignore people with road rage. Do not get involved with such drama. Let them win. They could just be that crazy person who seriously will follow you to your destination and run you over in the parking lot or take out the gun in his gun rack to shoot you.

So, wonderful, wonderful Kat over at Tenaciously Yours gifted me, through a giveaway, one of the greatest gifts ever! It's a cookbook titled "Nigella Kitchen; Recipes From the Heart of the Home" I've just finished flipping through it all. I've been so inspired! Even by the dishes I know aren't probably up my alley. It all just looks delicious. And, my thought was of Julie & Julia. I want to do something similar with this cookbook. I want to cook my way through it. I'm sure, unlike Julie, I will skip a few recipes here and there, and I have no delusions that I will get through it in 365 days but . . . I really do want to get through it, to cook more, have more variety here at the house, less of the plain salads, sandwhiches, burgers, spaghetti, that I am always fixing for myself and my poor family. Variety is the spice of life, so I hear, no? I have other cookbooks I should probably work my way through too, but this one has such a delightful looking variety, and it was such a generous gift I think I will have to start here. I'll let you know how it goes. Keep your fingers crossed I actually follow through . . .

Now off to catch up on what I've been missing out in your lives the past couple of weeks!

5K Saturday & Sick Baby

2011-06-05T08:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning was wonderful! Kaia, Todd, and I ran a 5K for wounded warriors. I was soooo proud of our community yesterday. My gym and another organization paid to put everything together, including snacks and t-shirts after and wonderful volunteers worked the race for free so that all proceeds went to the wounded warrior project. Over 1000 racers came out and there were some genorous donors. I believe they said over $70K was raised! Yay!

But then yesterday evening my poor angel spiked a temp. She hit up to 102 and was understandably upset and uncomfortable and had a hard time sleeping. Baby tylenol was super helpful and baby's feeling a bit better this morning but were still not there yet. Keep fingers crossed for her to feel better soon please!

Hope you all are having a great weekend!

Vacation

2011-06-03T05:40:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone! Sorry I've been gone again for so long without a peep. I realized I didn't mention the fam and I were headed on a little vacay.

We are back now. It was quite lovely acutely, minus me getting sick anyway. We picked up my stepson, Aidan, on the way, visited a dear old friend and her family in NY, visited my alma mater, and finished off in the great city of DC.

We were in DC on Memorial Day which is a special day for us so we went to Arlington Cemetery. It was my second time there and it's just such an amazing place. It was Todd's first visit though and I think he was impressed too. We planned on doing a bit more site seeing but with heat warnings and a precious baby we didn't stay out too long this time. But . . . there will definitely be a next time!

Oh, and ladies, please, if you ever, ever go to DC for any reason, you MUST hit up the infamous Georgetown Cupcakes (or some of you may know them as DC Cupcakes from the TLC show) they really are the best cupcakes I've ever had in my life! We bought a dozen and there wasn't a bad one in the bunch. I think my very favorite was the german chocolate.

What did you do for Memorial Day weekend? Anything special? Off to check your blogs now!

Schedules

2011-05-24T05:06:00.000-07:00

So, I've come to determine that I function best on a schedule. In fact, the crazier, the better. Don't get me wrong, when I'm in the middle of the crazy schedule I wonder what in the world I'm thinking and wishing for nothing more than a long vacatio on a sandy beach, still, genearlly, I am more uncomfortable with down time.

The past semester was definitely crazy. I was up early every morning for a long day of classes and/or clinicals. I came home to Mommy Kaia alone while Todd was deployed and we were up late most nights. But, I knew what I was doing, or at least what I should be doing, every minute of everyday. I even had to stop blogging (writing and reading) because there was simply no time.

Now, the freedom will be my undoing. I have the summer off. At least for now, I'm not even doing a part-time job (other than being a Mommy and wife of course :) The result? I seem to get nothing done in a day.

So, now I am attempting to get the blog going again - at least a few days a week over the summer. And I am back to studying for my personal trainer's certificate. My goal is to get certified sooner rather than later and (cross fingers) hopefully, get hired on somewhere (please let it be my gym!) a few hours a week.

Wish this feeling lazy mommy luck.

What are your thoughts on schedules?

Hope you all are off to a wonderful start to the week!

I'm Baaaaack!

2011-05-20T06:43:00.000-07:00

At least a few times a week durig the summer anyways ;)

How are you ladies?! How I have dearly missed you!

A lot has happened since my last post. The love of my life has returned from the great, far away, beyond. Kaia and I could not be more delighted.

I finished up my first semester back . . . on the dean's list. Yay!

And Kaia . . . boy has she grown! Probably the biggest milestones to catch you up on are:

1) She has cut two bottom teeth
2) She crawls crazy fast. all. over
3) She pulls herself up and takes a few steps around furniture
4) Her new favorite is loving on Daddy
5) And being kissed all over by random strangers' puppies
6) She holds her own sippy and can pick up her own food to feed herself
7) But, she's off the chart skinny now and hates eating most of the time (any and all advice on this one welcome)

So, there's a good run-down from here. Enough about us. I want to hear about you!

Bloggy Fail

2011-03-21T18:05:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone! Thank you for visiting again though I fear I dont deserve it. I apologize for not visiting and commenting like I would like. I think I have to accept bloggy defeat for the time being. I just cant keep up with all that's going on right now. I will still try and swing by to visit you whenever I can. And, if all goes well, hopefully, I'll get back with some regularity over the summer.

Now, before I go, shout outs of thanks and lots of love to: Susan, Liz, Devan, Jessica, Colleen, Kelly, Melissa, Selby, Ameena, Elizabeth, Mamabear, Courtney, Alicia, Anne, Anastasia, Kat, Libby, Sara, and Mandi words cannot express how blessed I feel to have met you, even if most of you only through blogging. You are some fabulous women. Thank you for putting up with me, for commenting, and helping me get through some pretty tough, lonesome days. I've really enjoyed getting to know you. Thank you for uplifting words, awesome recipes, great advice, and Sara, thank you for helping me figure out the cat on Skype! Again, you all really are the best! Hugs! (If I missed anyone, I am so sorry, I promise I love you just as much!)

8 Months

2011-03-10T13:40:00.000-08:00

My darling is actually almost 8 1/2 months now and I haven't posted about her changes and growth since 6 months. Bad Mommy.

Kaia is getting more beautiful every day. She truly is a "good" baby and I know I'm lucky. She's still a tiny little thing (though healthy) she's in the 25% for her age/size. She's wearing a size three diaper but by weight could still fit in size 2. She's wearing her 6-9 or 6-12 month clothes but still wears a couple shirts and a jacket that is 3-6 months (I told you she was tiny people).

There are still no teeth in site but she's doing well eating. She's tried all her fruits and veggies, chicken, turkey, and baby yogurt. Squash, sweet potatoes, carrots, applesauce, and peaches are her favorite.

Kaia's on video #3 for Your Baby Can Read. She watches her sign video everyday. Sometimes, to her Mommy's utter delight, she says Mamama.

She sits well. She held herself in a standing position holding her jumper for a couple seconds the other day. She rolls to her hearts content but does not crawl yet.

She loves the things that most babies do but her favorite things? Sippy cups, paper, plastic, holding the diaper cream when she's getting her diaper changed, and typing love notes to her Daddy when she talks to him on Skype. If anyone knows how the heck you get a kitty to appear on Skype let us know because Kaia figured out how to do it but her Daddy and I can't figure it out to save our lives. We think she may be hinting at something early.

Oh, and Kiyoshi's feet, aka paws. She loves those! Totally strange right?

Managing Dreams as a Married, Sometimes Single Mother

2011-03-07T06:02:00.000-08:00

I love being a mother. I have been blessed with the most beautiful daughter, who is also a mild tempered baby most of the time. I have been able to manage being a single mother for the past several months while Todd's been away much better than I thought I would (which I wasn't sure I could do at all) and, at the same time, also less gracefully than I could wish for at times too.

Sometimes I get frustrated. Sometimes I talk to my best friend on the phone and become jealous of her freedom. Freedom to go out to the movies, snowshoeing, running, anywhere and do anything at any time.

I get jealous of some of the other kids at school, even some of the other women who's children are older. They have more time to study. More flexibility to schedule tests and extra time at school if they need it.

Then yesterday I was searching online looking up information on post bachelors programs, I want to be a nurse practitioner. There are some AMAZING programs out there. And then I got a bit frustrated that many of the programs are impossible for me. I cannot move for school. I am a wife and mother first, no matter how good a program may be. No matter how much better it specifically fits my goals.

Then I talk to another friend and I am jealous again. She's going out to dinner and a movie with her husband. Sigh, it must be nice.

I know this seems like a negative post, but it isn't. Wait for the silver lining. I do get jealous. I imagine we all do? The grass is always greener somewhere. We could always have more money, more freedom, more friends. But, I am also so grateful for what I have. I wouldn't trade Todd or Kaia for a mansion, money, or the freedom to go to any college I wanted (or could get into ;).

It all just means I have to be more creative. Work harder. Love more deeply. And learn how to manage my dreams as a married, sometimes single mother, with as much grace as I can muster.

I hope you all have a beautiful and blessed week!

My Little Monkey

2011-02-24T14:57:00.000-08:00

Fills her Mama's heart with so much love and happiness. How did I ever live a day without her?

I do love my husband. I dont know how I lived without him either. But my daughter, she makes me want to be a better woman even more than her Daddy does. I want to do well in school, in life, because I want Kaia to know that she can. I want to smile more and frown less because I want her to always smile. I want to earn loads of money, and now it's not 'cause I'm a greedy miss selfish but because I want to buy her cute clothes, have enough to keep her involved in activities, provide her with a warm, safe, and beautiful home to grow up in, and send her off to college some day (too soon I'm sure), and maybe even throw her a fancy wedding some day.

I want all this for her and more and she isn't even old enough to ask for anything yet. Im sure Todd and I are in for quite the ride with our sweet angel.

What fills your heart with immeasurable love and joy?

Always Running

2011-02-20T16:46:00.000-08:00

I feel like I'm always running these days. No, not literally, though I wish that was the case. Instead it's just one thing after the other. Classes, followed by homework, followed by baby feeding, changing, bathing, development, playing, followed by more homework, followed by cleaning and errand running. Then it's just wash, rinse, repeat.

I am enjoying school. I am finding my groove, mostly. I am looking forward to my future as a nurse. And yet, I so miss my lazy days with my daughter. I love sleeping in until 7 or after and having nothing to next to nothing major on the agenda. I miss long snuggles with her soft, warm little babiness every day. There is no sound quite like her sweet voice babbling to her Mommy all day. And now, now she's becoming so much more fun too! She says Mama. Her Nanny said she signed it too! Such a smart baby! I don't want to miss one moment with her. And so now, I cherish each second I have with her even more.

Gone Too Long

2011-02-17T14:05:00.000-08:00

Hi all! I'm sorry I've been gone too long. I know. I'm not doing well at juggling my new demands with the old. Though, don't worry, Kaia's still being taken good care of. The blog and exercise are not doing so well though. But the weather today is gorgeous and I'm going to be taking Kaia out for a stroller jog here shortly. I cherish every moment I have with my daughter now even more now that I must be away from her so many hours of the week at school. I don't think I could ever have been prepared for how much I'd miss her even if everyone told me in a million different ways.

She's so precious and so sweet my little angel. She's 7 1/2 months old already. Time has flown. She was reweighed the other day and has gained one pound so she's holding her own staying steady in the 25th percentile. That's what you get when your Mama and Papa aren't exactly big people I suppose. Also, the most wonderful thing ever . . . she says, "Mama ma, ma, ma" now! I know it's not necessarily about her Mama, yet, but she says it nonetheless and it melts my heart and makes me smile every time. The girl is good!

My Mom was here visiting for a week and a half. Thank God for such a blessing and having her here to be our Valentine. Kaia misses her dearly. She felt much loved and spoiled having Grandma watch her while I was at school. I wish she could stay always.

That being said, we are yet another day closer to Daddy being home again though it still feels so far away, having him home again truly will be a wonderful blessing.

I have been trying to catch up on all of your fabulous blogs ladies. I am sorry I haven't been doing so well. I've enjoyed all the posts I've been able to catch up on so far. I've missed you all. Big hugs to you all. I hope you are well and had a wonderful Valentine's day filled with so much deserved love, chocolates, and jewelry :)

Theory On Friendship

2011-01-30T13:16:00.000-08:00

We recently have been talking about nursing theories and theorists in class. It's interesting. Some good points are made by various people about what nursing is and should be.

There should probably be theories about most things we get involved in, whether work or play. I've been thinking about friendship a lot lately. As a kid I'd say I had a lot of friends. This extended through my time at college. Even the two and a half years following college I made and kept friends fairly well. However, in the last 3 years or so I've seen a distinct shift. I neither keep nor make new friends like I used to. I've asked myself what has changed about me? A lot, surely, but in terms of trying to make friends, not much. Same goes with trying to keep them. I am pretty loyal and dependable (though I admit I often am running a few - 15 minutes behind, always, since Kaia arrived). I am at least decent about calling, texting, emailing, or some other form of social media messaging friends, and yet . . . I am, largely unsuccessful. I have lost many friends.

So, what is it? I've asked my husband and my best friend (who thank God I have not lost) what gives? Is it something I am doing unwittingly? Am I coming across in a way I do not think I am? I haven't figured it out and it's both perplexing and painful.

One theory of friendship I just looked up states that friendship is dependent on: similarity, proximity, reciprocity, beauty, and competence (though not too much so). Well, according to this proximity is probably my biggest problem in losing friends, I'm no longer near them so no longer a priority and, I fear, some of those "friends" probably didn't have that much in common with me but liked me more because I was there to begin with. OK, so making them? What's my problem? I'm competent but definitely not too competent. I'm not too pretty but I'm not ugly so I think that's good enough. I treat people well. I smile and strike up conversation, heck I bring cookies! I'm here. They're here. So is it I'm just not similar enough? Perhaps but I dont feel like this is my answer either.

I promise Im not having a pity party. It's more of a think tank right now and you're here with me. I know that you've only met me through bloggy land (well, most of you), what do you think? Ideas? I promise my feelings wont get hurt if you're honest!

Sick

2011-01-27T08:16:00.000-08:00

I'm sick. Blah! Thank goodness Kaia's being such a little sweetie and not too demanding right now. Oh, and I don't have to go to school today, yay!

So far, school's going well. I've completed two paper tests and one hands on one. The hands on one was giving a bed bath. Sandra, I'm sure you can appreciate that one, huh? I really am enjoying my classes and learning something new again. It's still overwhelming though, the sheer volume of reading to be done. Perhaps one of the best things about going to school is it forces me to get dressed every morning in something other than sweatpants. Plus the time until Todd comes home goes faster when I'm busy.

Want to know the worst class I'm in? Old Testament. Don't get me wrong, I'm as spiritual as the next girl, and, initially I was actually somewhat excited about this class for what it could teach me that, as a Christian, I should probably know better. But, the teacher and the environment is everything. And this class really just isn't working out for me. But, alas, 'tis a requirement so I must soldier on. What's the worst class you've ever taken? Pray, do tell. It will make me feel better.

Judgement

2011-01-22T07:16:00.000-08:00

Being a mother is hard work. There is no question about that. Generally, I feel that because mothering is so hard we should all help each other out when we can and not judge one another. I support you whether you breastfeed or bottlefeed, whether you work or stay home. I do not judge you for little mistakes or slip ups. You can co-sleep or crib sleep. You can home school, private school, public school. I don't care if you buy your kids clothes from Walmart or Macy's. But, there are some things I will judge you for. (And I don't think anyone who reads this blogs does any of these things, I'm just saying I do judge some Moms)

1.   If you physically, sexually, verbally, or emotionally abuse your children
2.   If you neglect them
3.   If you put yourself before your kids all.the.time
4.   If you don't get them vaccinated or give them medical care when they need it (or should get it)
5.   If you don't send them to school at all
6.   If your house is so dirty it is causing a health/safety hazard for your children
7. If you don't teach them right from wrong - even worse if you teach them all messed up
8.   If you teach them to be mean and hateful
9.   If you encourage them to be obese
10. If you excessively spoil them and they act like it
11. If you intentionally get pregnant over.and.over and you can't afford to
12. If you don't get prenatal care
13. If you are an alcoholic
14. If you use drugs
15. If you never play with them
16. If you drive like a maniac or text while driving while they are in the car
17. If you have never.ever bought (or made) them a birthday or Christmas present
18. If you let someone else physically, mentally, emotionally, or sexually abuse your child
19. If your bedroom is a revolving door and your kids witness this
20. If you're not trying to be the best Mother you can be

What do you judge other Mothers for? Anything I left off the list?

Amazing!

2011-01-17T16:51:00.000-08:00

You are amazing!

Thank you all, again, sincerely, for your encouragement and support. You all, and this blog, have truly been a blessing to me.

I took my first test today. I am sure I got some wrong, but over all, I feel I did well. Fingers crossed. I am enjoying this new endeavour and knowledge - minus being away from my angel, but she is adjusting so well to the Nanny it makes it easier for me.

Thank you who responded with your honest feedback on your feelings of pacifism. So as to not leave you with a few thoughts of my own (though not all are entirely formed out yet)

1. I support freedom of religion and thought
2. I am not a pacifist
3. I do support and desire peace, foremost
4. I believe there are genuinely evil people who want to do harm, to kill, and destroy
5. I believe some of these people do these things in the name of their god (notice I did not say my God)
6. I believe we, as humans, have a responsibility to protect and defend when we can
7. I have hope that someday all men (and women, obviously) will live in harmony
(Also, as a side note, I also believe women are very rarely the problem when it comes to war and violence)
8. I believe all Americans have a responsibility to our country and the freedoms we are afforded in it (I do not mean everyone, necessarily, must join the service to demonstrate this)
9. I believe that God is not against war in all circumstances
10. I would most certainly die, happily, defending the ones I love (such as my beautiful daughter) and many honorable, brave, and admirable men and women have done just that. And, in many ways, isn't that very Christian? Or like Christ? Sacrificing one's life for another? Or others?

So there are a few of my thoughts. I do have others and I am sure I will gain more as time goes on. But for now, I wish you all a very beautiful and blessed week!

Catching Up

2011-01-15T18:18:00.000-08:00

Hi All!

Sorry I've been out of the loop for a few days. I think I've caught up on all of your lovely blogs now (even if I didn't leave comments on all your posts)! You all have been some busy ladies and I enjoyed reading everything, from accounts of your moves, to your school, work, weight loss, shopping, and big projects!

I survived my first week back to school and Kaia survived her first week separated from Mommy for an extended period of time. This semester is going to be HARD! Between the coursework, being away from Kaia, and not having hubby here to watch the little angel while I study, but I think with a little hard work, organization, prioritization, and a lot of prayers, I'll make it through. I'm sure this blog will suffer a bit so I apologize for that. I will likely only post a couple of times a week and I might end up trying to catch up on your lives on weekends and at random times throughout the week. Can you believe I already have my first test this coming week?! I think I'm going to take it on Monday.

Today's been a busy day. Little Miss wanted to wake up at 630 but she did go back to sleep eventually for a few more minutes. Then it was up, getting ready for the day, cleaning, making another batch of cupcakes, catching up on blogging, chatting with the hubs, reading videos, signing videos, and finally, a bit of homework. I really need to hit the books much harder tomorrow to study and get ahead for next week. It's so hard to get homework done when I get home during the week and Kaia needs things from me, whether food or just some dedicated attention to just her.

Well, we need to watch our Your Baby Can Read video one more time tonight before we hit the hay. Sweet dreams everyone!

p.s. How do you feel about pacifism? For or against? This is a post and question I've been thinking about for the past couple of days now.

Back to School

2011-01-11T09:51:00.000-08:00

Monday, January 10th, Day 1. I arrived late to my first class. I also, apparently, missed another class completely that was, initially, left off of my schedule. Whoops!

There are not many nursing students in my level. This is good in many ways. It is bad in others. There are three students that are older than me. They are, probably, in their 40s (I didn't ask) but just judging by the ages of their kids, they have to be at least late 30s. The others are all, pretty much straight out of HS and so are roughly between 19-20 yrs old. That puts me right in the middle. Neither early 20s or late 30s-40s. Everyone else also seemed to know at least two other students in the class that they'd palled up with if you will. Again, awesomeness. I think it will all be OK though. Even if I don't make super duper best friends forever, I'm really there to learn anyway so that's cool. I'm excited about getting started, though I must say, I'm not sure if I knew what I was getting into. The schedule is VERY confusing and the hours are a bit more in depth than I was prepared for. I just hope Kaia and I both make it through this first semester two happy girls. I know I'm even more ready for the summer with my little angel all to myself again!

Day 2: pretty much uneventful, minus the having to get up too early, boo!

We shall see how the remaining days of the week go.

P.S. Kaia is a superstar at going to sleep at night now! Knock on wood.

Tagged

2011-01-09T15:36:00.000-08:00

Kristen at eatdrinkloveandexercisedotcom tagged me for a survey so I thought it might be a fun and easy blog post for a busy Sunday. I've been cleaning and baking all day! And getting ready for class, or at least I hope I'm ready - I still want to puke whenever I think about it, and yes, I realize it totally is not that serious, but I can't help it!.

Here goes:

*Four TV shows I watch:
1. Biggest Loser
2. Extreme Home Makeover
3. The Office
4. And a lot of ~~crap~~ "reality" TV, like The Bachelor

*Four Things I'm Passionate About
1. Todd aka The Hubs
2. Kaia aka My Mini Me
3. Helping People
4. Do I have to pick 4? My friends, running, eating/baking, the U S of A

*Four Words or Phrases I use too Much
1. Dammit Jers! (Jers is my Todd's "special" dog)
2. Nom, nom nom and Ahhh (encouraging Kaia to eat)
3. I was reading this one blog and [insert fascinating story here]
4. I love you! (But you can NEVER say this too much in my opinion!)

*Four Things I Learned in the Past
1. Some of God's greatest gifts really ARE unanswered prayers
2. True love Does exist
3. Education is everything
4. Helping someone else is always worth it

*Four Things I'm Looking Forward To
1. Todd coming home!
2. Kaia continuing to grow and develop into her beautiful little self
3. Becoming a nurse
4. The summer

*Four Things I Like About Winter
1. Cute coats
2. Cute boots
3. How pretty and clean the snow makes everything look
4. Snow days!

I'm supposed to pass this on to four ladies but I don't want anyone to feel obligated and I want anyone who wants to to join in the fun. So please, if it strikes your fancy, join in, I'd love to learn more about you too!

Sleep Training, Part Trois

2011-01-08T20:38:00.000-08:00

Sleep training has actually been going pretty well the past couple of nights. My angel always proves to be just that. That girl is good to her Mommy. I, on the other hand, am a fail at sleep training. I cannot fall asleep! Ahhhh! I lay there with her for hours and don't fall asleep. And I need to in the worst way. I start school on Monday and that means early mornings people! Very early. I cannot be up until midnight! I am not as young and crazy as I used to be. Wait, I was never young and crazy . . . I've always loved my sleep.

And, speaking of school, I am so nervous! I know everything will be fine. But I am worried that I will forget something I am supposed to bring. Or I won't find my classes and walk in all late whenever everyone else is already seated and the instructors already talking. Or what if I realize after I've gotten all the way there that I have baby spit up all over my shoulder? Or what if I forget to do something I was told to do? Or if everyone's already friends (you know most of my class will have been in classes together for 2 years already) and in cliques and I'm the odd, old lady out? And what if I'm late, well, because I'm often late to things and it's a long drive, and I'm not used to being away from the baby. And what if I miss her terribly? And, I know that I've talked about my nerves and worries about this already and you've all been so nice and generous and kind with your comments. And they have helped. And I hope that you are all right! But now that it is approaching with no turning back my fears, nerves, and worries are just amplified regardless. New is scary. At least new is scary to me. I am sure I will be keeping you all posted.

But for now, for now I really must try to sleep.

Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite!

Help for Breast Cancer Patients

2011-01-07T10:42:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone! This is a very important topic. Please stay, read, pass on the word, and donate if you can. Thank you!

Early on in my blogging I found Minky Moo she's a great blogger and I always enjoy reading her posts. Yesterday, was one of the best, most heartfelt posts yet, same title as mine today, Help For Breast Cancer Patients. It was all about her amazing friend, Susan, a cancer survivor, astrophysicist, and Mom of two . . . I know, Wow! right? And Minky describes her as being made of Alpha waves and awesome. Pretty much just the kind of person you want to be around. all. the. time. because you are made more awesome just by being lucky enough to be in her presence. This is how I imagine her anyway :)

Well, Susan has these pretty amazing sleeves, that she gets to wear for the rest of her life. You see, what I didn't know, is that a side effect of breast cancer treatment can be permanent swelling in the arms, lymphedema. It has been found that compression sleeves are, often, the best treatment. But, unfortunately, they're not covered by medicare, or most insurance plans and they range from $200-$500. Heartbreaking. Well, Susan, being the amazing woman she is, decided to do something about it! She made some phone calls and she made some big things happen! Here are some of her own words explaining it:

Both the foundation (Crickett’s Aswser for Cancer) and my favorite lymphedema sleeve maker (Lymphedivas) were founded in honor of thirty-something women (one a blogger!) who had breast cancer (and then died). I made an earnest plea to each of them, told them about the women that each other were honoring, and then held my breath and made the ask.

Would you, could you, please consider working with each other to provide lymphedema sleeves to women in need?

They agreed to talk to each other. They liked each other, and a few weeks later, box upon box of lymphedema sleeves and gauntlets (like a glove without fingers – you can see mine in Monday’s post) arrived at the foundation. Sue’s friend Carole, the foundation’s VP, unpacked them, totaled it up, and found that she had received over $12,000 worth of lymphedema sleeves and gloves to give away.

Pretty amazing, no?! So, you may be asking, why does this matter to me?

Well, first, you are a woman too (probably because I don't think any men currently read my fancy blog) and you have or will, likely, be touched by breast cancer at some point in your life, whether you yourself, a family member, or friend.

If you are currently a breast cancer survivor in need, you can now go to Crickett's Answer for Cancer, and complete the forms requesting help by writing in “lymphedema sleeve and gauntlet” on page 2 of the application.

Or, if you want to help someone else, you can pass this message on. Either directly to a friend/family member in need, blog about it, email it out, or make a donation here.

And if you want to tell Susan how awesome and fabulous she is, go vist her at Toddler Planet.

Now get to work! Love ya ladies!

Day 2 Sleep Training - Fail

2011-01-05T13:59:00.000-08:00

Last night sucked!

Kaia fell asleep a little after 8. The smart me knew I should probably wake her up. The idiot me said let's roll with it. So, roll with it we did.

Kaia was back up again by 10.

And up, and up, and up.

There was singing. There was staring at the illuminated mobile. There was more singing. There was cuddling. And some more singing. But there was definitely no sleeping again until well after midnight. And then she woke up for good just after 7. Awesome!

Idiot me may make a reappearance, or many, I don't doubt that. But, she will not make that mistake again!

Here's to hoping we all get some good sleep tonight!

Day 1 Sleep Training Day 2 Sweet Potatoes

2011-01-04T13:57:00.000-08:00

Last night was the first night of Kaia and I's attempt at sleep training. So far, I don't have the heart for the cry it out method. So, we tried our own version of the no tears sleep training. I laid Kaia down at 1025 (25 minutes later than I meant to, darn dogs!) with our usual night time soothing sounds playing. I also added her projection mobile on the ceiling for her to gaze at. Then I laid down next to her ('cause we co-sleep) and closed my eyes (you know, show her what we were supposed to be doing and all). She entertained herself quite well for 15-20 minutes just cooing and talking to the pictures on the ceiling and sucking on her fingers. She then decided she didn't like this idea and started crying and fussing. I let her do this for about a minute, maybe two, at which point I got her attention to show her Mommy was still there and sang to her while letting her hold my finger if she wanted to; she liked this and stopped crying. I could tell she was definitely getting sleepy because of the yawning and heavy, droopy lids but then she decided she was too hungry to go to bed. So, I nursed her while we both stayed laying in bed and she fell asleep about 1115-1130. When I put her back in her little "bed" 20 minutes later or so, she opened her eyes and went right back to sleep. Not perfect, but I think it was a decent attempt for the first night. I figure consistency's going to be the key here. I hope it works. Then, if you're into the (semi-)attachment parenting thing, like me, maybe my method will work for you someday too :) Here's to hoping ladies!

Also, Kaia had her 6 month appointment yesterday. She's 26 1/4 inches long, head circumference at 16 3/4, and weight 14.4. She's a tiny little thing. Her head and height are in the 50th percentile, yay! But her weight . . . not so much. Munchkin's a little small, only 25th percentile :( So, Mommy's going to try and up her solid food intake and see if that helps with a reweigh-in in a few weeks. Good news is, Mommy and Daddy aren't big people, and Kaia's happy, peeing, and pooping so at least there's that! All that in mind, we started jarred baby food yesterday. Exciting! We started with sweet potatoes. Kaia's decided she's not a big fan but she's made a good effort. She ate all of them yesterday and most of them today. But the faces, precious city folks!

Sleep Training

2011-01-03T18:50:00.000-08:00

So, I start school next Monday. I know, gah! Old lady on campus people!

That means I finally have to bite the bullet and sleep train my angel, or at least try to. Otherwise I'm going to die on the road (worst case) or fail all my classes for sleeping in class(best case). I know, I know, I probably waited a little long to get started, but to be honest, I'm a pushover already and I sorta enjoyed the late nights with my baby. Plus, I was skyping with Todd late at night too so getting Kaia to bed late was good for Mommy sometimes too (selfish Mommy!).

Also, I know that my blog's kinda been on the sucky side the last couple of weeks. Minus maybe my Stepmonster post they've been lacking a bit in content and quality. I am going to work on getting better again, even if that means posting less frequently to not waste your time with poor quality writing or fluff.

I'm pretty sure that with starting school again, Kaia being at home with the Nanny, and homeworker I'll probably have a lot of material coming. That being said, please also excuse me if, starting next week, I seem a bit overwhelmed, I probably am.

Again, thank you all so much for following along on my bloggy journey and our little lives here. I am honored and humbled to have you.

P.S. I'm also sorry it's taking me a long time to respond to a lot of your comments lately! I'm going to try and catch up on that too!

Hugs!

From Here To Eternity - Trendy Award

2011-01-02T16:14:00.000-08:00

Yay! I received my first blog award from Jhen, over at From Here To Eternity. Thank you so much for thinking of me! If you haven't already, please go check her blog out. She's a very real and inspiring blogger.

There it is, over on my sidebar, aren't I so trendy?!

And, I think you are too. So, I am passing the award on to 10 other trendy ladies:

1. Elizabeth - Flourish In Progress
2. Anastasia - Sweetbutterbliss
3. Libby - Bonjour
4. Anne - Sugar Bowl Mix
5. Midnight Mama - Dear Daughter
6. Devan - Accustomed Chaos
7. Melissa - Confessions of a Dr. Mom
8. Kelly - City Mom
9. Kat - Tenaciously Yours
10. Ameena - Fancy That Fancy This

Now, all you have to do to receive this award and pass it on is:

Post about it.
Pass it along to 10 others.
And, leave a link to the Trendy Blog Button so they can grab it too!

Perfect Mother?

2011-01-01T21:05:00.000-08:00

Is there such a thing as a perfect mother? Or, better yet, is there ever a point at which you stop worrying if you are doing enough? Or the right things?

I know that I'm not a total mess. I mean Kaia's achieving her milestones. She's growing. She's healthy. She's eating well. She is, generally, happy and content. She has LOTS of things. Almost all the toys, clothes, furniture a baby could dream of.

Yet, I worry as far as doing goes. I'm not doing enough. Do I set her down too often? Should I be holding her more? Are there more games I should be playing with her? Should I be taking her to do more stimulating things? Scheduling and attending playgroups, play dates? Are my priorities right? Should they be different? What would she say? What would she tell me, if she could only talk? Should I be working harder to get her on a schedule?

Do all mothers have these thoughts? These worries? Is it with every baby? Or only the first? Do you become a better mother the more children you have? Is the youngest the luckiest? The oldest the least fortunate this way?

I feel when Kaia gets older I will be much better at this mothering thing. I look forward to trips to the library, the park, swim lessons, dance class, eventually school. But this, the infant stage, I'm finding exceedingly difficult. Don't get me wrong, I love every minute with Kaia. I love everything about my angel baby. But still, it is stressful. It is frustrating. It is full of worry. Am I doing this right? Or, am I doing at least, all right? OK? Passable?

Maybe my biggest resolution for this year should be, be the best mother I can be. Always try to do better. Because Kaia, Kaia is the perfect baby. I could not ask for better. I know I couldn't.

Midnight

2010-12-31T21:03:00.001-08:00

January 1st, 2011

Happy New Year!

Here's to hoping the year is filled with much joy and many blessings for us all.

If I Died Tomorrow

2010-12-30T20:40:00.000-08:00

There are three things I'd want before I go:

1. A kiss from my husband
2. A smile from Kaia
3. Snuggles from Kaia

That's it. That's all I'd need to die happy :)

What about you?

6 Month Old Baby Genius

2010-12-28T21:19:00.000-08:00

I have decided this is what Kaia is. She's a very clever baby, no denying it.

Her activity center/jumper from Santa has an elephant with a mirror in it. Today, the sunshine hit it just right and cast light onto the ceiling. Kaia realized this and was fascinated, obviously, because of the science behind it all.

Then, this evening, she laid on the floor and showed me her newest trick . . . yes y'all, she can roll her tongue! The girl is, indeed, amazing!

I intended on waiting until Kaia was 6 months to start her on solids but I let her decide and she was ready on the 9th.  We did rice cereal for two weeks and have moved on to oatmeal (I think she prefers this option). And soon I'll be introducing her to even more exciting tastes!

Oh, further proof of baby geniusness, she can drink out of a cup. Not a sippy cup. A regular, big girl cup. She started trying to get me to let her a month ago and about a week in I let her give it a whirl. Obviously I hold the cup, but she drinks out of it like you or I would.  And don't worry, I don't give her a lot but she gets sips of water from time to time - OK, you got me, I totally let her try my lemonade too . . .

She still hates her tummy; almost immediately on being placed on the floor she flips over to her back. Though she loves her sides too and so rocks around that way. She is capable of a gradual, complete 360 on the floor.  A couple of times she's rolled onto her stomach from her back; well almost, I am convinced she doesn't go all the way over because she hates being on her belly but her legs are all the way over as if she was and her torso, oh so nearly!

This has been a big month. There was the first Thanksgiving and the first Christmas. Skype with Daddy made it extra special.

Her jumper is her new favorite thing. It definitely allows her to show off her skill and athleticism.

Happy 6 months my precious angel! Your Mommy never knew life could get this good!

Resolution Ideas

2010-12-27T21:14:00.000-08:00

The New Year is fast approaching. I haven't, generally, made resolutions as an adult - not to say I didn't set goals for myself, they just weren't tied to the holiday. But, this year I think it would be a good start to my year. I could use the focus. I am, after all, a list kind of girl. So, here's what I am thinking so far:

1. Achieve at least a 3.0 average in my classes this semester
2. Follow a marathon/half marathon training plan (and not try to do more mileage)
3. Run a marathon
4. Throw Kaia an amazing 1st Birthday party - hopefully, be good enough to make her cupcakes myself!
5. Get Kaia, and myself, on more of a schedule
6. Get my personal trainer's certification

But I want some more good goals. They can be short term or longer term. Any ideas? What do you think I should add?

What are your goals/resolutions for 2011?

Cupcakes!

2010-12-26T17:40:00.000-08:00

Nothing new here but head on over to Kaia's Cupcakes for some recipes and visual delight!

Hugs from Kaia and I!

Merry 1st Christmas

2010-12-25T21:05:00.000-08:00

Dear Kaia,

Today was your first Christmas, Saturday December 25th, 2010. You are 3 days away from being 6 months old! It was a beautiful day here today. There was a light dusting of snow that is threatening to turn into a thick blanket as midnight approaches.

You were up early, at a little after 8, with a smile and your sweet little voice to wake Mommy. We got dressed and ready to go. Daddy met us online for a Skype party from Afghanistan. The connection wasn't great but we saw him and he saw us. He watched you open ALL of your many presents, and stocking. You were a very spoiled baby. Funny thing is, you didn't really care about most of your gifts. You do love your jumper from Santa though (Mommy put it together herself!) Daddy bought you a little panda that squeeks, Kiyoshi and Jersey adore it and are dying to steal it from you.

Cindy's been here with us. We are so grateful she's here! She's been a good dance partner and cuddler for you when needed.

You took a nap early on in the day. I think all the excitement wore you out. But you weren't out long and then you were helping Mommy with muffins and cupcakes in the kitchen.

The rest of the day was filled with dancing to Christmas music or a little bit of country, trying out your new toys and books, and good girl time. Except . . . you got to talk to Daddy again! He hated missing out on such a big day for you! But he spent a lot of it with you from across the miles and there will be many more Christmases with your Daddy here my sweet angel.

Mommy and Daddy Love you!

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you and yours had a very special day!

Wicked

2010-12-23T11:13:00.000-08:00

First, I must sincerely thank you all for your kind comments, support, and understanding during my bloggy break. I hope you can forgive my absence. I will do my best to explain myself in this loooong post (sorry!)

Next,

Disclaimer: this post is very honest and involves my own experiences. It is not easy to talk about and it’s hard to explain. It may offend some of you. Some of you may dislike me after reading it and choose to not come back. If so, I apologize for offending you but I hope you can understand my side of the story too; I will not apologize for the truth.

The definition of wicked: morally bad in principle or practice.

Several years ago, I read the book, Wicked, by Gregory Maguire, and loved it! However, at that time, I never knew how much I would someday be able to relate to Elphaba, otherwise known as the Wicked Witch of The West. She is described as, “a smart, prickly, and misunderstood creature who challenges all our preconceived notions about the nature of good and evil.” (Wicked description) You see, I’m a stepmother.

When you hear the word stepmother, what’s the first thing that comes to your mind? For many people it’s wicked, witch, evil, nasty, mean . . . the list is endless really. Let’s be honest, most people do not see, or hear, the word and think love, rainbows, and lollipops.

Well, frankly, I don’t think I’m a wicked or evil person. In fact, before I became a stepmother, you’d be hard pressed to find anyone that would describe me as anything but nice, sweet, loving, or loyal. If anything, I might be described as too accommodating or too nice (I’m not saying I didn’t have my bad days people, no one’s perfect, least of all me).

Well, out of the blue, last week, just before the bloggy pause, I got a phone call from someone in Todd’s family. This phone call was very accusatory, very judgy. Very, you are not a good enough stepmother. You need to step up and clean up after his mother. You need to love him like your own. Like Kaia. If you loved Todd you would love him. There was a lot said. It was like a water hose really. And by a water hose I mean a lot of cold, strong, water slapping me in the face that kept coming and I couldn’t hardly breathe, let alone talk and defend myself. Well, then defend myself I tried. It’s very hard to explain to someone who is not a stepmom what being a stepmom is like.

Oh, on the surface it seems simple enough, love and be loved. It won’t be that hard. You are the grown-up. The child is suffering. The outbursts and meanness are justified and understandable, love through it.

You might be a stepchild. You might have a friend, a sibling, an aunt who is a stepmother or a stepchild. They might have shared their stories – good or bad. But, the truth is, stepmothering is hard. It is not cut and dry. It is not always as simple as love and be loved. Every once and awhile it is. These stepmothers and their stepchildren are lucky. Or, they are liars.

I’ve been a stepmother for almost two years now. We have had my stepson here, with us for one summer, and lots of holidays and vacations. It has never been easy. It’s never been stress free. In fact, I get sick, literally sick, with worry before each and every visit, wondering what we will face that particular visit. There are fights over food – any food that is not peperoni pizza or chicken nuggets – there are full out tantrums at the store – even gas stations – when every whim is not caved to. There are I hate you’s and I want my Mommy’s (not from us, if you started to wonder). There is not listening. Not following rules because, really, who could blame him? Rules are a foreign concept at the other house. There are no thank you’s . . . ever. There’s more but you get the picture.

But, in one summer (and by one summer, I mean about a month and a half because that’s the point I realized there was a problem), before he went to kindergarten, I taught my stepson how to say the alphabet without skipping a couple of letters. I taught him how to recognize every single letter (he only knew the one’s in his name). I taught him his phone number and his address. I made sure he got to go to karate and swim lessons. I took him to the park and outside to play. I held his hand. I made him lunches and dinners. And, did I mention I gave birth this summer? To my first baby, too? My first. Do you remember what it was like when you had your first baby?

Well, I don’t love him like my own. He’s not my own. He never will be. He has a mother. She may not raise him like I would. I may not agree with one thing she does. But she does love him. And he loves her. I do care about him. I think what I’ve done for him and what I continue to do, should speak for itself. I do understand that this, the divorce and remarriages, have been hard on him, confusing.

But, please, don’t for one second think that just because I’m the adult, it means it’s not hard on me. No one likes being told they are hated. No likes being disrespected and mistreated. I don’t care if your five or 95.

And please, take your judgments and hang-ups somewhere else.

Then, if you’re still with me, which God Bless you if you are! If you are a stepmom, a stepchild, or a friend of a stepmom, please, go read Stepmonster. It really explains the stepmom’s side, through facts and extensive research, much like Wicked, it really might change your preconceived notions about the nature of stepmothers and “good and evil”.

Intentional Blog Pause

2010-12-13T10:13:00.000-08:00

Hello wonderful readers who I am truly grateful for! You've helped me immensely since I started blogging in September. It's been challenging in a new place without having very many friends here and now having hubby deployed. You all have helped fill some gaps for sure :)

I may not blog much over the next couple of days. I had a very hurtful and hard day yesterday that I need to sit back a little and heal from. I have downloaded myself a little book in fact that I want to focus on getting read that I think will help me get through this. I will be sure to tell you about the book when I am done. I hope that you won't forget about me or give up on me if I don't post for a few days but I will do my best to at least put up a little something and try and make sure I visit you all at your blogs too.

Kaia and I did, almost, complete all of our holiday shopping so I hope you all are having a great holiday season free of stress!

Baking Tips?

2010-12-11T20:50:00.000-08:00

I need some baking tips. I've made like 10 batches of cupcakes since I started Kaia's cupcakes and I haven't been 100% happy with anything yet. Well, chocolate pumpkin came close. But the problem seems to not be with the recipes as much as with my failure. Most of them have been coming out either heavy or a bit dry, or both. What am I doing wrong?! What are some tips for a moist bakery fresh cake? I mean, all those box mixes I used to make always came out perfect! I want my from scratch ones to turn out at least that well - preferably better. Please help! I need someone to offer me free baking lessons much as my lucky bloggy friend Elizabeth (Flourish in Progress) got lucky with for cooking lessons. Anyone? Anything? I'd really appreciate your help or advice as I really do want to make Kaia fancy birthday cupcakes myself and not buy them or make them from a box.

Red Velvet

2010-12-10T19:41:00.000-08:00

That's what kind of cupcakes Kaia and I made today. We need to get the recipe and results posted on Kaia's cupcakes. We are delinquent on that blog lately and have two posts to get put up yet.

Kaia also helped motivate Mommy to work out this evening, I definitely was not feeling it. But, we did 25 minutes on the elliptical, switching up the workout again. Then I finished up with 100 crunches, 25 side crunches on each side, 25 reverse crunches and 10 pushups. Tomorrow I doubt there will be any workout.

Because . . .

We're going shopping! We probably have half of our gifts yet to buy. Daddy's bought for, the sisters in law, one niece, brother in law, one part of the gift for each Grandma, my favorite cousin Cindy (she'll be spending the holiday with Kaia and I this year :). But, there are still so many left to pick up! Outlets, here we come!

Speaking of shopping and gifts, why must so many things cost so much?! Todd and I would LOVE to get an espresso machine to make lattes from home but it seems like any latte machine worth buying is at/over 1,000! And then, of course, someday I'd like to buy a treadmill too which is going to cost at least $1K for a good one.

Though, I do suppose, the best Christmas gift is priceless . . . if only Daddy could come home!

Inspiration

2010-12-09T21:33:00.000-08:00

What inspires you? Maybe what inspires you will inspire me too. Please do share. To give myself a push to keep positive today, here are a list of 10 things that inspire me:

1) Kaia's smile. For her, I would move mountains (well, try anyway)
2) My husband. His hard work and support inspire me to dream big.
3) Your comments on my blog. You inspire me to keep writing. Even at the end of the day when I'm tired and unmotivated.
4) Strong women. Famous or not, who have overcome adversity, prejudice, or any other number of obstacles placed before them.
5) Skinny jeans. Well, because they inspire me to be skinny.
6) Cupcakes, because that's one way I can express creativity.
7) People in the gym, or out running, because frankly, I've been accused of being type A sometimes and I want to be faster, stronger, fitter than you.
8) Nurses, because you're already living my dream.
9) Magazines, 'cause man, there's some pretty amazing stories on those glossy pages.
10)Extreme Home Makeover. How do you make a house like that in a week? It's amazing! And I love the volunteers. And the families?! Wow, always so selfless, so positive, so unique, and so deserving.

Kaia and I did . . . dun dun dun . . .

22 min on the elliptical and she cheered me on for push ups and sit ups. Shocker, I know! But, I did change the elliptical workout to a hills instead of cookie cutter get on and go and my calorie burn pretty much rocked.

My fabulous friend Christina visited today so that's my 11th inspiration, friends and family that always call/visit at just the right time. Who could stay down surrounded with people like them?

Wednesday Workout

2010-12-08T20:52:00.000-08:00

Short and sweet tonight. Workout - 33 min elliptical, 50 su, 15 pu. I know, I know I'm not doing well on the switching it up right now but trying to make sure I'm ready for my physical fitness test. I am planning on starting running again when I start school and can use the gym between classes.

And, because enquiring minds want to know . . . I still have Jersey for the time being. Though I do have ads out without any interest yet. I have talked to my uncle (used to train dogs) and an animal behaviorist. It's not that he is beyond help, but it does become a concern with Kaia here. I did implement some changes, the animal behaviorist had me immediately take away his bed and have more structure/controlled feedings and I have seen some improvement already. But, if he bites at me one more time, or shows an inkling of inappropriate aggression again, he is out of this house immediately, one way or another. The end.

Guest Post

2010-12-07T08:07:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone, I'm guest posting today over at Sweetbutterbliss. It's all about fitness motivation so go check it out!

If you're here from Sweetbutterbliss, Welcome! Take off your coat, have a latte, and stay awhile. I'm so happy to have you.

Here's a few post that might help you get to know me better:

How it all began. My first attempt at blogging.

My funny post.

Why I will win the mother of the year award.

A letter to my daughter.

Wonderful hubby.

Emotional eating.

I hope you've enjoyed your visit. Please come back anytime. I do so love new friends!

What Would You Do?

2010-12-06T13:21:00.000-08:00

My daughter's 5 months old. My husband's deployed. I have two dogs. I have no yard. Both dogs must always be on a leash. The weather is getting bad. And . . .

The older dog, the lab mix, my husband's dog . . . is being a jerk. No, seriously. I'm sorry if you're a huge PETA person and you think that dogs are the same as people, but they are not. And he is a jerk. Jersey has been being nasty lately. He's bit at me twice now. Not nipped. Bit. He has tried to attack another, larger mind you, dog in the neighborhood - twice. He has tried to bite at a man moving some people in. I know when you take a dog in, as my husband did for Jersey from the shelter 4 years or however long ago it was, that you are supposed to be a responsible pet owner and keep the dog forever and blah blah blah. Well, he's well treated here. He's fed, watered, given treats, petted, given toys, doggie beds x 2, bathed, I leave lights and radio or t.v. on for the dogs when I'm gone. Still he does these things, and did I mention pee in the house too? Yeah, he also has peed in the house quite a bit since we moved here (he's been house broken for YEARS). And now he has taken to getting on my bed when I'm gone. The other day Kaia and I walked back in the house and he was laying on the couch like he owned the place. When I raised my voice at him to get off he finally sauntered off, went over to his doggie bed and pissed on it. He won't go to the bathroom when I take him out on his leash now. And I have to drag the baby out into the cold with us when we go because I'm here alone. Then, yesterday, he ran out of the house when Kaia and I came home from the grocery store and tried to attack the German Shepherd on his leash (who could, like I said, actually eat Jersey if his owner had let him).

I have explored various options on what I could do (there are fewer options than you may think). I even called an animal behaviorist people. I'm at my wits end. I don't think I can handle it anymore. I think I'm going to have to get rid of him.

What would you do? I have a baby, a sweet little baby, who's getting drug out into the cold. Who might be next on his bite list. Honestly, if you were me, what would you do?

Short Sunday Workout

2010-12-05T20:26:00.000-08:00

300 jumping jacks, 80 sit-ups, 30 push-ups, 3 sets of 15 bicep curls, 90 calf raises, 200 high knees, 10 squats, and a LOT of walking around holding Kaia.

Oh, and we made brownie cupcakes which I will try and get up on Kaia's Cupcakes tomorrow.

Happy Sunday night lovelies!

Nursing School

2010-12-03T20:54:00.000-08:00

First, I apologize for not reading and commenting on many blogs the last two days, unfortunately, the next two days might not be much better. Busy, busy! But I do promise to do my best to catch up.

I registered for my classes today. Overall, it went well. However, I did have a lot of mixed emotions. Here are just a few of the thoughts that circled through my head:

"Is it selfish of me to go back to school?"
"How many firsts am I going to miss?"
"Will Kaia resent or hate me later for this decision?"
"I wonder how Kaia's doing without me? I miss my baby."
"I can't believe I'm really going to be starting school in January?! I've wanted this for years now!"
"It'll be nice to meet some new people."
"I wonder how Kaia's doing without me? I miss my baby."
"I'm going to be out of place. Most of my classmates are going to be 20-21yrs old, unmarrired, with no children. I'm going to be the "old" lady in class."
"I like the small campus feel. Everyone seems pretty nice."
"I think that 17 yr old working in the library was just a bit taken aback when I said I was going to be a new student."
"Todd and I need this. We need at least one guranteed job between the two of us."
"I wonder how Kaia's doing without me? I miss my baby."
"Was that my phone ringing?! Is it Nanny?! Is something wrong?!" (It was ringing, it wasn't her, and nothing was wrong)
"How many hours have I been gone now?"
"I'm looking forward to clinicals."
"I really can see myself as a nurse."
"This schedule is confusing as hell."
"This building's not even listed on the map. I'm supposed to go where?"

But, that's more than enough; you get the picture. Kaia and Nanny did very well together today. And, yes, I did check the background check and references. Clean record, glowing reports. Seems like I got pretty lucky she's willing to work for me.

I am back to playing Army this weekend. Tomorrow I take my physical fitness test, the first since labor. It's not going to be pretty folks.

Todays workout: 33 push-ups, 50 sit-ups, 23 minutes on the elliptical.

Do You Eat Organic?

2010-12-01T21:16:00.000-08:00

I was reading my "Glamour" magazine yesterday and there was an interesting food experiment in it where one writer could only eat things she saw advertised on t.v. for a week. She chronicled her lethargy, changed behaviors, mood swings, etc. Apparently, we consume far too much sodium and sugar daily and our bodies adjust to this and increasingly crave more and more to achieve the same initial baseline "high." I guess I've heard this before. Really, I know I consume way too much sugar in a day. I mean really, how do you escape it? It's in everything!

Now, this writer, generally, eats mainly organic so the week was extra challenging for her. To this I say, "Good for you!" But, I also say, "How?!" I genuinely would LOVE to eat all organic, all the time. It's true; I love Whole Foods. I love farmer's markets. I love healthy. I love no chemicals, no processing. I love supporting local farmers, bakers, etc. However, unfortunately, it is just not realistic for me to eat all organic. It's so expensive!

Todd and I decided to do one week at Whole Foods instead of the regular grocery store before he left. We spent as much, if not more, for probably 1/3 of the amount we'd normally buy. We also frequented the farmer's market many weekends this summer. The cherries were delicious. They were also at least 3 times as expensive (close to 5 times more expensive when cherries were on sale at the grocery store) the same can be said for some of our other favorites, locally baked bread and sweet corn.

I know the health benefits can be huge. I'd love to raise Kaia on organic. I literally cannot afford it though.

Do you eat organic? If you do, is it everything on your shopping list? Or just certain items? And how do you do it? Are you rich? Do you have tips for the average woman on how to shop organic affordably?

P.S. Thank you to everyone's support and sweet comments. We got to talk to Todd today and he's safe! Shew!

No Skype

2010-11-30T20:13:00.000-08:00

Kind of feeling a bit sad right now. I haven't talked to my husband the past two days. Kaia's stayed up to talk to her Daddy. She misses him too, I know she does. She's wiggling all over on the floor right now. She hasn't rolled over again yet but somehow she has still managed to turn herself around the clock from 6 to 12. She is so silly! It seems like at any moment she will flip herself from her back to her tummy. She is so close. She hikes her knees up to her tummy and rolls all the way over on her side. I think the only thing stopping her right now is how much she HATES tummy time.

I think I'm decided on a Nanny for sure now. Kaia and I did an in home interview today and she answered all my questions like I hoped she would. She is OK with what we're able to pay. She is OK with the hours. She knows baby CPR. She's nannied for 3 families before, she gave me all their phone numbers. And best of all, Kaia seemed to like her pretty well. She lives close by too so we won't have to make accommodations for live in which is nice to not have to worry about since we're renting and would have to clear with the landlords and we'd lose our guest bedroom for when friends and family come over.

Despite the suckiness of not being able to talk to Todd tonight, Kaia and I did do our elliptical time today. She's a good workout buddy. We spent 31 minutes 30 seconds on it. Then I did 20 push-ups and 40 sit-ups to finish up. I am definitely out of shape and I'm not loving the workouts yet but I'm forcing myself to keep doing it. It has been making me feel better. Between the workouts and the vitamins hopefully I'm back to where I want to be before too long.

Off to try and get my angel to sleep since Daddy's still not on. Fingers crossed and prayers that we'll get to talk to Daddy tomorrow. Sweet dreams all.

5 Months!

2010-11-29T16:18:00.000-08:00

Happy 5 month birthday baby! (One day late because the computer didn't want to cooperate yesterday, I'm sorry!) I can hardly believe you've been here, with me, for the past 5 months and it's even harder to believe when you consider you've been, with me, for well over a year when you count "tummy time." You never cease to amaze me. The littlest things are the biggest things to a Mama. Who would have ever thought I would find poopy diapers and baby toots the cutest thing in the world. And may I just say, waking up to your little voice and sweet little angelic face in the morning is pretty much the best thing ever - probably shouldn't tell Daddy that. You haven't grown much this month. You're still weighing in right at 13 pounds and are about 26 -ish inches. You've rolled over from your stomach to your back, twice, on the same night but will not, for the life of me, repeat it. We've decided to wait a little bit longer before trying solid food because you're not that interested yet. Maybe this month, or next. OK, now for your part. Your likes and dislikes are not that much different, but so we don't forget, I'm going to let you list them all again.

Here are the things I love:

1.    I love being held, this part isn't new, but, sometimes I even like being held when we're sitting down too - but back to not usually!
2.    I love the sound that plastic makes. (Think Mommy digging into a plastic bag of reeces pieces)
3.    I love to laugh when I find things that are silly - like puppies. The puppies are definitely the funniest things in the world.
4.   I love my Teddy. I'm kinda over my snail though.
5.    I love rattles, and all things that make a rattling sound.
6.    I love walks - a lot (but not so much when it's freezing out).
7.    I love talking to Daddy on the phone/skype - but it's still kind of confusing.
8.    I really love my co-sleeper!
9.    I also love my Your Baby Can Read video - I just moved on to video number two today!
10. I love listening to the book Daddy recorded for me.
11. I love sucking in my lower lip.
12. I love waking up in the mornings.
13. I love my fingers. And my toes, but not as much.
14. I still love bouncing and dancing.
15. I love walking, jogging, and elliptical riding.
16. I love silly sounds, all kinds.
17. I still like making Mommy look silly trying to make me happy, and oh how well she does it too!
18.  I love the sounds animals make, and animals in general.
19. I love music, right now I'm really digging my Christmas CD.
20. I love sitting up by myself on the couch or in my swing, sometimes, I still prefer being held.
21. I still really love milk.
22. I love talking on the phone - especially to Grandma.
23. I love my Bjorn.
24. I love staying up late, just not as late as I used to, 1030 is my normal bedtime now.
25. I love licking Mommy's plastic water glass.
26. I love ripping Mommy's glasses off her face.
27. I love looking out windows at the world.
28. I love splish, splashing in the bath.
28. I love wiggling around on the floor, as long as you don't put me on my tummy.
29. I absolutely adore standing, with assistance of course.
30. Having visitors, especially relatives, rocks. It means more loving arms for extra snuggles.
31. My favorite book, aside from Daddy's of course, is How Do I Love You?
32. I love getting out of the house for awhile to people watch.
33. I love talking and speaking my mind.
34. Mommy and Daddy are still pretty cool too.
Here are the things I detest:

1.   Daddy being gone.
2.   My fingernails being clipped.
3.   Sleeping, especially during the day.
4. Tummy Time.
5. Shots.
6.   My mittens.
7.   Socks and/or shoes.
8. Having Mommy put my onesie on first thing in the morning.
9.   Waking up from the few naps I do take, I'm usually crying.
10. Q-tips
11. I'm usually not too big of a fan of my car seat.

I think that about covers it everybody. Mama and I love you all for reading! Come back soon!

Oh, and Mommy and I did exercise yesterday, 32 minutes on the elliptical again, bench press, leg extension, sit-ups, and push-ups, so we might be lazy today. We finally posted our cupcakes from last week over at my other blog too, Kaia's Cupcakes, so go check them out.

& Kaia

Holiday Workout

2010-11-27T18:36:00.000-08:00

Did I tell you my gym is all put up downstairs? My sweet friend Karen's husband, Ryan, finished it this week.

Tonight I finished 32 minutes on the elliptical, did 50 sit-ups, and 15 push-ups. It wasn't the best workout I've ever done, but since I haven't been working out a ton since labor, it was still tough. And, even better, I feel great! I really need to get back on the train for real this time. I'm running out of time to get back in shape. Please, please, help me. If I haven't posted what I've done at least three times a week, absolute minimum, then bug me about it. Even if I have, bug me about it anyway. Tell me what you think I should be doing. Tell me what you've been doing. Ask me what I've been doing. When I'm going to post what I've been doing. When I'm going to get brave and start posting my "stats" again. Anything at all to get me motivated.

Hope you all are having a wonderful holiday weekend!

Homelessness & Thanksgiving

2010-11-25T13:47:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving to one and all. While there are probably a million things to be happy for this year, one that means a lot to me, aside from the obvious hubby and daughter, is my warm home. I ask that you please remember that, this season, not everyone is so lucky to have this simple pleasure. Here are some facts from our country that I got from PBS.

Between 2.3 and 3.5 million people in the U.S. find themselves homeless during a given year. 1 out of 50, or 1.5 million children are homeless every year. 23% of those that are homeless are chronically homeless. Recession has had a large impact on these numbers. Alaska, California, Colorado, Hawaii, Idaho, Nevada, Oregon, Rhode Island, Washington State, and Washington, D.C. have the highest rates of homelessness. Can you imagine being homeless in Alaska?! Can you imagine being a baby, a Grandma, or someone with a serious medical condition and being homeless in Alaska?!

It is believed that approximately 40% of males that are homeless are veterans. That means they served our country, were willing to die for us, and now they are sleeping on the streets, under bridges, or in shelters.

Many people who are homeless also suffer from mental illness and/or HIV/AIDS and other acute and chronic health problems.

If you're interested in what you can do to help go to The National Coalition for the Homeless

A Nanny

2010-11-24T13:55:00.000-08:00

Keep your fingers crossed . . . I just might have found myself a Nanny! Thank you so much Ameena for the tip on GoNannies.Com!

Asking for prayers from our wonderful readers that everything works out and that she is a wonderful, sweet, trustworthy person!

Thanksgiving Giving

2010-11-23T13:04:00.000-08:00

Hi sweet readers! Happy almost Turkey Day!

I know that the focus on Thanksgiving tends to be on the beginning of the word, "Thanks," which is fantastic! There are so many things that we can all be thankful for. Like I've mentioned before, I am so grateful for my handsome husband, my beautiful daughter, friends, family, and You! But, the other part of Thanksgiving is the "Giving" part. A lot of times, one of the nicest things you can give at Thanksgiving is food to those who don't have enough. But, I know times are tough for us all these days. So, here is something you can do for FREE all it'll take you is a minute of your time. No, really, completely free, absolutely no gimics, tricks, or strings attached. My good bloggy friend Elizabeth at Flourish In Progress is donating one dollar per comment on her post Erasers For Everyone to purchase toys for deserving, and needing, children. Please, please go visit her so that she can buy a LOT of toys and not just a few erasers, as precious as even those can be! And, for all you Glee fans, "Don't be a Sue!"

Big ThanksGiving Hugs!

Quality Childcare

2010-11-22T10:56:00.000-08:00

Question of the day, does quality childcare exist? If it does exist, does it exist at a reasonable price point? My mom used to do in home childcare when I was growing up. I have no idea what she charged. I'm pretty sure it was next to nothing and she did a darn good job of watching those kids if you ask me. So, maybe I have unrealistic expectations? Or am out of touch with the current reality of childcare?

As I mentioned, I am going back to school in January. That is very short notice to find quality childcare. I have looked in the past, just in case, with little success. I've even interviewed some women. Let's just say the interviews were TERRIBLE! One was sweet, I guess, but didn't speak very good English (not a huge deal) but it was a huge deal to me that she didn't seem particularly warm. The other girl was a college student who wanted me to drive Kaia over to her college apartment with like 70 roommates in one little place so she could watch Kaia there for like $20 an hour! Um, I don't think so crazy as hell chic.

So I'd LOVE to have a "Nanny" or someone to come watch Kaia at the house anyway but everyone here charges a minimum of $10 an hour for that. Maybe that's actually cheap? To me it seems expensive when I have one baby who happens to be the best, sweetest, least fussy in the world. But, I also wouldn't mind bringing her to a small in home daycare either. There are hardly any here! And most of them that are here seem a bit run down or in bad areas. Traditional daycare is my least favorite idea but even they are expensive! And, to top it all off, none of them seem to be open the hours I need! Clinicals start early morning and none of these places open until like 730am.

There's a daycare by my school that seems like it might be a good match (though they don't open until 7 either) and their rates are $100 a week cheaper than here where I live, ridiculous! But, then I'd have to make Kaia, at 6 months old, ride at least 2 1/2 hours in the car everyday. That seems a lot to ask of a sweet baby.

I don't know what to do! Any suggestions? Anyone looking for a job? Want to come be my Nanny or know anyone who would want to? You could even live here for free if you're not a crazy pants.

School Girl

2010-11-20T16:21:00.000-08:00

I found out the other day, I am no longer on the wait list for school! I will be starting on my journey to become a nurse in January. I am very excited about it. This is something I've wanted to do now for quite awhile. I was not sure that everything was going to come together. It was such a long wait and so many steps to get to where I am now. I was thrilled.

Yet, there was a moment. A very distinct moment, after I hung up the phone, and when I went to pick up Kaia, that I nearly broke down. The tears welled up and threatened to pour out. I will miss my sweet baby so dearly while I am in class and at the hospital doing my clinicals. I know that it will be good for both of us in the long run. But, she is my sweet angel. She is, like I said, my little bestie. Please pray for us and keep your fingers crossed that I find childcare that I feel comfortable and confident leaving her in while I pursue this dream.

True Confessions: Have a Pint

2010-11-18T19:40:00.000-08:00

Of Ben & Jerry's that is! So, I must confess, in the middle of my meltdown yesterday, while trying to get up the courage and drive to throw out all of that 4 months of pumped breast milk, I pulled out my pint of Ben & Jerry's to see what state it was in. It was in the deliciously melty state that I love. And, as I mentioned, I am an emotional eater, so I fished around for several bites of brownie bits and cookie dough before recapping and getting down to business. May I just say the indulgence was delightful and it made me feel so much better.

Throwing out all that milk did suck though. And the day seemed endless. I was feeling achy in my joints all day and I could not feel warm to save my life. Kaia stayed awake until almost 1am to top it off but . . . the day was not all bad. At approximately 9pm on November 17th, Kaia rolled over, twice! From front to back. It was amazing! Of course she would not repeat it on camera or skype for her Daddy nor would she repeat the act today, but she did it and I saw her and I am so proud! What an amazing little angel! And, I got to talk to her handsome Daddy on skype for like an hour so I guess I could not ask for too much more goodness.

Oh, and the fridge/freezer is now fixed so back to trying to restock the supply. It was the motherboard ladies. I know, I know, I thought that was a term I would only hear when some lame, I mean totally awesome, sci-fi movie/show was being talked about but, apparently, your fridge has one too. Who knew?

Meltdown

2010-11-17T06:55:00.000-08:00

Look out world, I'm about to have a meltdown. No, seriously, I am.

We rent, I don't know if I've mentioned that. It generally is not important and so does not come up in conversations or posts. Anyway, the point of this post is that our refrigerator/freezer stopped working. Have you ever stopped to wonder how much money is sitting in your fridge? Probably at least a couple of hundred dollars right? Well, oh well, that blows but that's something I can get over if I have to. Some things may be able to be salvaged. Other things will get thrown out but there's a grocery store right across the street. Nothing in there is irreplaceable . . .

Oh wait, I'm a nursing mother who has been planning on possibly going back to school when my daughter's 6 months old and who wants to continue to give her breast milk for a full year. So, naturally, I have been pumping for almost the whole of her existence as well. Never mind I have 4 1/2 months worth of saved milk in my freezer. No problem that all of that has to get disposed of now. No, really, sweet landlord and lady, please, take your time and call me back within an hour to let me know what you're going to do!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Best Friend is Five Months Old (Almost)

2010-11-16T20:24:00.000-08:00

My daughter is my new best friend! I just love her to pieces! I know a mother is not supposed to be "friends" with her kids but, in our case, for now, I think it works for us. Kaia does everything with her Mommy. She is always there. I wake up with her in the morning (and through the night ;), I dress her and she hangs out patiently while I get dressed, I feed her, she's there for moral support when I eat. We watch her video together. She cuddles with me while I type or read. I wipe her butt, or in today's case, catch her poop in baby wipes (I know it sounds gross but it actually was fantastic considering the alternative of cleaning it off of all of her after it's squished around her diaper and out onto her body and clothes!) I talk to her. She talks to me. She lifts my spirits with her little laughs and smiles. Somehow I make her laugh and smile. Who could ask for a better friend than that?!

On another note, my sweet friends Karen and Ryan are coming over tomorrow to help me get the gym set up! They are wonderful and I can't wait to get it up so I can start using it! Mommy really needs some elliptical time!

Emotional Eating

2010-11-15T19:41:00.000-08:00

Medicine Net defines emotional eating as, "Emotional eating is the practice of consuming large quantities of food -- usually "comfort" or junk foods -- in response to feelings instead of hunger. Experts estimate that 75% of overeating is caused by emotions."

This is totally me! It's not all the time but, generally, when I overeat this is my problem. I'm sad about something so i fill my belly with M&Ms, cupcakes, or ice cream. I think I definitely overdid it on the comfort foods today. I had Cinnamon Toast Crunch (and a banana!) for breakfast, pizza for lunch, a cupcake for a snack. I did have squash, potatoes, and carrots for dinner but then I finished off with ice cream. This is a problem, no? I think I need someone to come and stay so I can stop this craziness!

Besides, even when i'm not emotionally eating junk, I'm still eating like crap since Todd's gone. Most meals, if I eat a "meal" at all is a hodge podge of foods like crackers and yogurt that are eaten standing up next to the island bouncing my sweet baby on my hip. Not exactly inspiring healthy eating!

But, I promise to try and start doing better.

Memories

2010-11-14T20:17:00.000-08:00

My Mom just left. I got a tremendous amount of things done while she was here. Kaia got extra snuggles. The doggies got extra walks. I could not have asked for a better visit with her. I miss her already and wish she didn't have to go.

Now that I'm a Mom too, I thought it was important for my Mom to know that I really do have so many good memories from my childhood and how grateful I am to her for the part she played in the person I am today. Some of my favorites?

* Baking massive amounts of cookies, all kinds: chocolate chip, oatmeal raisin, sugar, etc, and laying them out to cool on brown paper bags all over every surface of the kitchen.
* Waking up early and watching my Mom cook my Dad breakfast before work - pancakes, eggs, bacon.
* Playing in the yard and trying to get passing semis to honk their horn.
* Sledding down the hill across the street.
* Talks with my Mom when she'd take me on drives, just the two of us.
* Dinners as a family, my Mom's home cooked meals - lots of casseroles, mmm!
* Family reunions
* All the trips to the library
* Swim team, gymnastics, soccer, softball, and anything in between
* My Mom reading to me and giving all the characters different/fun voices
* Sharing a room with my favorite person ever . . . my sister!
* Planting two trees
* Homemade apple pie and fresh rhubarb with sugar

There's so many memories to choose from! I hope someday Kaia will look back on her childhood and smile. I want to provide her with a lifetime of good memories!

Cupcakes & Dining

2010-11-13T19:32:00.000-08:00

I made vanilla cupcakes with vanilla buttercream frosting today - more details over at Kaia's Cupcakes. I also made a successful trip to the post office this time - thanks to my Mom!

Then, we finished the evening off with good friends and good food. Karen and Ryan introduced us all to a new fabulous restaurant and all our families got to meet!

Now, unfortunately, is a countdown to my Mom leaving.

ProBlogger

2010-11-12T19:20:00.000-08:00

So, I decided I'm going to take the ProBlogger 31 day challenge - though it will, likely, take me more than 31 days. I am looking forward to seeing the results.

Also, all of my fitness equipment is here and waiting anxiously to be put together and used! I just need to get it set up . . . yeek!

Tomorrow is cupcake day over at Kaia's Cupcakes. I will be making a vanilla cupcake but am not decided on the frosting yet.

My Mom's visit is nearing it's end and I am not looking forward to her departure. Most of her time here has been spent helping me mark tasks off of my list. While absolutely needed, I feel bad we were not able to relax and enjoy each other more for her visit. I know we'll see her again in a few more months but I really wish she was closer all the time!

Thank You!

2010-11-11T19:53:00.000-08:00

Today is Veteran's Day. It's an important day to me. Not because I am a Veteran, but because some of my favorite people were and are.

I've been to Iraq. It's not a place I want to return anytime soon (though I am glad for the experience). My husband went to Iraq twice and is in Afghanistan now. My old Soldiers are in Iraq. I have close friends who are in both conflicts currently. One of the men I respect most in the world is a Vietnam Veteran.

I think that everyone should know that, while deployed, Soldiers - and government contractors, American men and women, live in trailers (if they are lucky) and tents. They eat meals ready to eat (food in plastic bags that are often eaten cold) or mass produced food in large fly infested cafeterias. At times, they are shot at with many types of guns, rockets, and mortars. Sometimes, they are struck by improvised explosive devices. They are kept away from their families, the people they love the most in the world, for months to a year - or over. Internet communication is limited, if it exists at all. Sometimes, there is no access to phones. Sometimes, on the worst of days, you lose a friend. Then, after a short visit home, a kiss to a loved one, a trip to the mall and the movies, the Soldier's country asks her to go and do it all over again.

The other day, my Mom told me that most people that she works with have no idea what it is like for the deployed Soldier. I can understand that. I can understand being removed, not realizing, not knowing someone personally and so not feeling invested. What I cannot understand is what she said next. She said most of them don't care to know. Not care?! I must admit that, at this, I found myself fighting back tears. Not care?!

I know I do not know the people my Mom was talking about but I most certainly do know the people they don't care about. I took it personally because these people, if they die, they are not a number to me, they are not a coffin draped in a flag. These people, to me, are: husband, father, best friend, brother, sister. They are mothers and fathers of beautiful young babies. They are extraordinary people with bright futures and big dreams. I don't expect thanks. I do ask, please, for a little respect. Please, these people mean the world to me. Care.

On the lighter side of Veteran's Day, thank you Chilis for my delicious and free salad!

Too Old

2010-11-09T21:16:00.000-08:00

Do you ever feel like your stumbling around in your own life? I mean, really stumbling?

I feel that way now. I feel so conflicted. I feel like I know where I want to go, but I'm not sure how I can get there. And really, if I'm to be honest with myself, where I want to go is not a reasonable destination.

I want to do too many things. I love being a SAHM people. I do! I love my daughter. I want to be with her 24/7. Well, OK, as long as I can get a shower, some sleep, and maybe go out for a few hours to myself once in a blue moon, but mostly 24/7.

But, I also have other ambitions. I've talked about wanting to be a personal trainer. I definitely do want to do that. I've helped an old co-worker lose weight healthfully. I've gotten friends to work out and feel better about themselves. I've worked with kids and taught them gymnastics and boxing (yeah, didn't I tell you I used to box, totally bad a** right?!) And every time I've done these things I've LOVED it! I could see myself doing it for a living!

I also want to be a Pediatric NP. I used to want to be a Doctor. Then real life hit me in the face a couple of times and I realized a nurse was way more up my alley. I want more interaction with the patients than a Doctor gets to have. I respect Doctors. I think they are amazing. The schooling they have to go through. The responsibilty on their shoulders. It is astounding. But, it is also not for me. When I was in Iraq, I got to assist in healing babies, kids with horrific burns. It was heart renching and one of the most rewarding things I have ever done in my life. I want that kind of satisfaction from my job daily. I want to help people. I want to help kids.

And, I want to write. Something good. Something people read. Something they want to read. Something to be remembered for.

And bake, I love baking. I may not be the best at it by any means, but I love it.

So, where do you go from here? I mean, obviously, I cannot do all of these things. I cannot be a SAHM and be a practicing NP. I cannot be a SAHM and a PT. I can be a SAHM and bake and write. I can be a NP who occassionally writes and bakes and maybe even one who trains a few friends or gives out a lot of free fitness advice. I can be a PT who stays at home with her daughter a lot and works a few hours a week.

So what is it that I should do? I hate that I even have to make a decision here. I know that it isn't all up to me. I'm on a wait list to go back to school for nursing. If I do not get in off the wait list that won't even be an option. I could study for and take the PT certification test and fail. I could try and start taking writing jobs but never get picked up for anything.

There are so many factors to consider. There is what I want. There is what I can actually do. There is reality. There are bills that need to be paid and a lifestyle that I want to achieve for myself and for my daughter (and future kid(s) - fingers crossed). There are pie in the sky dreams. There is the reasonable, realistic Mom in me and there is the young dreamer. It just feels like all these thoughts and dreams are constantly battling it out in my brain. Struggling. And in the meantime, I am stumbling. I am stumbling about trying to find my footing. Aren't I too old for this? Shouldn't I have things more together? I'm almost thirty for heaven's sake!

Does anyone else feel this way? Or am I still stumbling out here all alone?

Finally, a Friend!

2010-11-08T21:10:00.000-08:00

First, let me start this off with the admission that I know this is pathetic but . . . I've lived here for 6 months now and I have made my first friend! (Of course I have the fabulous Karen but, to be honest, I just got lucky in knowing her from work before we both moved out here.)

Met Selby for coffee at Starbucks tonight and she is too sweet. Kaia and I will both now look forward to her baby getting here so Kaia can have a friend too :)

On another note, Kaia is a complete angel and was so good all day even though we did a million things. Lucky Mommy! Not so lucky in doggie motherhood though. One of the A holes peed in the house again.

I took the day off exercising today as I was a good girl and did something everyday last week! Though it may be somewhat negated as I am also, generally, consuming a cupcake every day because of our cupcake project. What's your favorite flavor?

Study Sunday

2010-11-07T10:59:00.000-08:00

I finished all of my work here today so, . . . it's time to get on to studying! I really need to get moving on the book teaching me about becoming a personal trainer! I wish it was smaller though so I could read it while I hold Kaia. It's so awkward and heavy though! I need an e-book version.

I'm going to keep this short because I want to get in as much as I can before my mandatory afternoon run (2 miles today) which I guess is good that I finally test my foot out on more than a walk and strength training. Besides, it seems most people don't do a lot of blog reading on the weekend.

How has your weekend been going? I hope well!

Baby's Deep Thoughts

2010-11-06T13:51:00.000-07:00

I am working this weekend. That means that I get up early, very early, to drive to work, have a full day, and then have a drive home from work. This, hopefully, will be the last weekend of the drive. In any case, as Todd is gone, my Mom decided to visit this week/weekend to help me out with Kaia over these two days.

As many of you already know, Kaia does not like to go to bed at night. Last night was no different. I tried to stay up with her. Then I went to bed because I knew I had to wake up so early. But, finally, I could take it no longer. I felt bad for my baby and for my Mom when I heard her continue to scream bloody murder. After a little loving on her, I got her to calm down.

But . . . it was nothing short of horrific for me, heartbreaking! My beautiful, little, even tempered, calm child was fit to be tied for awhile. When I laid her down to change her and check her little toes (to make sure no strings in her jammies were cutting off circulation) my sweet baby was shaking! And her eyes, those big blue eyes! I can't even explain those eyes to you.

It was at this time, staring back at her, holding her, hugging her, kissing her little cheeks, that I began to wonder. What can a small baby understand? What can she grasp? How is it that she sees the world? Because, in that moment, I really believe that she was terrified. She was terrified that when I passed her off to my Mom and went up to bed that I was leaving her. I think she was worried that I would disappear like her beloved Daddy. Of course he's coming back! Of course she gets to hear his voice from time to time. But she can't see him! And how do you explain to her, an infant, that he is not gone for good? He will be home soon. That he still loves her with all his heart. And me, Mommy, Mommy is not going anywhere. I would never leave her and not come back. Never, ever. I couldn't, even if I tried. And finally, while I was worrying about all these things, and she was staring wide eyed at me, staring all the way into my soul, finally, she relaxed. She calmed. She trusted. And then she slept.

I want to hold her forever. I want to keep her safe from everything. From everyone. I don't ever want to see my baby staring back at me with those big blue eyes and that unexplainable look. I want, always, to see that twinkle, the light, the love, the trust, the happiness, because she is worth it and because she gives all those things to me every single time I look at her.

Blogging

2010-11-05T18:49:00.000-07:00

T.G.I.F!

Hi everyone! Today is a fantastic day! My Mom is here! She got in early, early this morning and we've been having a great day! We made this week's cupcakes and they are AMAZING! Head over to Kaia's Cupcakes http://kaiascupcakes.blogspot.com/ if you want to read more about them!

My elliptical got in today. It's sitting in my garage right now as we speak! Now I just need to get some help putting it together so I can start using it!

I will continue to post while my Mom is here. I apologize in advance though because I probably will not be as avid of a reader of all of your blogs this week. I'll try and catch up later if I can!

I really hope you all have a wonderful weekend! I will be working, boo! But . . . who cares! My Mom's here! Woot Woot!

Will Blog For Free

2010-11-04T12:09:00.000-07:00

Oh wait! I already do that!

Well, today is Thursday. Tomorrow is Mommy arrives Friday (410am) and hubs has been gone for three weeks Friday. Every day is such a mixed bag these days. Great, soaring, exciting moments and crashes. I'm not depressed. Trust me, I know what that's like. But, I would be lying if I said I wasn't down.

Here's a day in the life example: Todd calls! (Up) Reception sucks! (Down) But, I know he's OK! (Up) It's raining and I have to take the beasts out (Down) Kaia's face lights up in an amazing smile! (Up) She screams and cries, nothing makes her happy (Down) She eats and falls asleep, angelic, in my arms (Up) I get various annoying phone calls from con artists and the ringing threatens to wake the baby (Down) I get the financial aid package for school in the mail! Score! (Up) I find out I'm still on the wait list though and have to keep waiting (Down) This is boring, and you get the point anyway . . .

Sorry if this is a Debbie Downer post again! I am happy! I am grateful for so many things in my life. I know that He has blessed me. Still, I cant shake the funk at the moment.

I am infinitely excited and optimistic that all will change tomorrow though!

And, as my husband would say, "And then I found $20!!!"

Wednesday

2010-11-03T12:04:00.000-07:00

It's Wednesday and I'm not really feeling a post today. Especially not a long one. But . . . I already did my 30 minute exercise video today! And Kaia's waking from her nap as I type this so, hopefully, we'll be off on our walk before long too. I hope you are having a fantastic fitness day!

My exercise equipment is being delievered next Wednesday! Exciting!

Dog Walkers Beware

2010-11-02T15:04:00.000-07:00

Some people are jerks. That's just a fact of life. I will take you back to our walk on Sunday to tell you why I say this. I walk, everyday if I can, for exercise, to get Kaia some fresh air, and to exercise and potty the two doggies. So, this requires me to wear Kaia and hold one dog per hand. Keys and doggie bags tucked somewhere in pants. Most people that see us out like this stare or do a double take. Many say, "Whoa! You've sure got your hands full!" Why yes, thank you for noticing! I do!

However, some, instead do this . . .

We are on our way back. We are all slightly tired. We see a man and his dog, Kiyoshi's younger brother with a different coloring, across the street. Of course this riles my dogs to no end. I pull and tug at them to keep them moving. The man crosses the street to our side. Oh no! We must be in front of his house! He keeps approaching, I am really having to strain to get the dogs to move away now. The man says nothing but grins at us. Mind you, Kaia is still in her carrier as I visibly struggle. He continues to approach within inches, continues to smile good naturedly. Finally, I manage to get my dogs turned around, though grudgingly. As we walk away, I hear this, "OK, [insert big happy grin-chuckle here] you've seen them now." And they walk away from what, most definitely, was not their house.

Work It Out

2010-11-01T17:31:00.000-07:00

Really trying to get back on the workout train. Last week was walks and an exercise DVD - it's tough! This week we are going to continue the same and try and fit in at least two short runs this week - foot permitting. I picked up a running log at the mall so am excited to start using it! Today we just had a mini walk, because of fussiness, but I also fit in 20 minutes of exercise in the house so not a bad start for the week.

Kaia is amazing! She did so well on her appointment today! She only cried for like 30 seconds with her shots! She's healthy and strong. I was a titch off on her measurements. The nurse had her at just a little over 25 inches instead of 26. She also weighed in at 12lbs 13oz. And the best news of all . . . still no helmet needed! I hope it stays that way!

Finally, long overdo, requested pictures of the Jers (L) and Yosh (R)! This was right before a hike we took them on in June before little Miss Kaia arived.

Cupcake Sunday and Silly Saturday

2010-10-31T13:47:00.000-07:00

Kaia wanted her very own blog so we started Kaia's cupcakes at http://kaiascupcakes.blogspot.com/ if you want to check it out. As you can probably guess, it is a cupcake blog and we have now completed our first cupcake recipe. This site will only be updated once - twice a week as we choose and review our cupcakes for you.

Now, on to our silly Saturday. Yesterday, I decided that it was time, finally, to get to the post office and mail some deployed friends care packages. This meant three different packages, a Mommy, and a sweet little baby. Kaia did excellent at first. Then, she decided that she wanted to be held, so fussed at Mommy. Imagine a disgruntled woman, a 4 month old baby in hand, three bags of goodies for packages (not yet packaged), three boxes, three customs forms, and a roll of tape. I know, hillarious, right?! So I'm carrying her, trying to keep her from fussing, writing, and trying to scootch along the line with my copious amounts of stuff. Everyone was looking at me funny and trying to find out if they could go around me. Which, of course!, this is going to take me awhile people! Then they start looking at me funny for a different reason and someone finally asks if I need help. All cheery like I say, "No, thanks! I think we're good, but thank you so much!" At which point she looks at me funny again and I look at Kaia to coo at her and keep her happy. To my utter horror, Kaia has a pen mustache! Literally, a pen mustache people! A crooked line above her lip and below her nose! I did that to my baby! I'm feeling like the worst mother at this point but am so happy that I at least didn't poke her in the eye! Then the lady asked me if I wanted her to help by holding my baby! Um, that is super sweet lady, but Hell No! I don't know you! Maybe you can help me scoot my packages along or tape up my box, but hold my baby?! Oh no!

We finally made it out of the post office and off to the mall to pick up some more wintery stuff for baby. We ended up getting Daddy a count down calendar (The Office)! Then we went to the Baby Gap where I again ended up holding Kaia and pushing her stroller. So many cute things! My baby totally dresses better than me! My favorite purchases? A cute pair of white faux fur boots and a cute pair of mittens and hat. The hat is a little bunny hat and the mittens match. Yay for warm babies! Now the trick is going to be getting her to keep her little boots on! But yeah, yesterday's excursion definitely reminded me why we don't get out much!

Happy Halloween Everyone!

Thank You

2010-10-30T07:37:00.000-07:00

I know a lot of you lovely ladies do thank yous on Thursdays. Makes sense. But, today I am just feeling very thankful in general. Here are some things I'm thankful for today.

1. I talked to my handsome hubby this morning and the connection was only crappy for a little while at the end.
2. Last night I had dinner with two fabulous ladies. (Thanks Karen and my darling little girl!)
3. The blogger community! Ladies, thank you for your wonderful, amazing, inspiration. Thank you for your comments. Your honesty. And your beautiful, creative, and humourous posts.
4. That the dogs have not escaped, peed/pooped in the house this week.
5. That my Mom is coming in to town this week.
6. That my husband's great. Even when he's not here he still makes me feel beautiful and special.
7. That Kaia went to bed at 1130 last night!!! I know, A-MAZ-ing! This never happens.
8. For my fantastic friends who call me or read my blog and comment! (Love you guys!)
9. That my foot is slowly healing and I have been pretty good at working out this week even if it's just been walks and my cardio/strength exercise DVD.
10.That it's Saturday!

ACE

2010-10-29T11:49:00.000-07:00

Slowly, I'm starting to study to get my personal trainer's certificate. I think it's something I'd really enjoy. Even more now that I'm a new Mom. I feel, and have read from others of you who are struggling, that fitness is even harder as a new mother (or mother at all!). I would really love to focus on women's health and fitness. So many of us lack confidence in our body image. We always put everyone else first. Sometimes we just get intimidated and don't know where to start. But fitness is so important! Not to make us skinny. Just healthier and happier. Did you know exercise has been proven to lower symptoms of depression?

I would LOVE to get programs together that work for Moms (working moms, SAHMs, WAHMs. all moms). I want to develop a community eventually. Because that's what it's all about! You are more likely to stick to a program when you have support! And, besides, I'm all about paying it forward!

Some ideas I have are:

1. Community, community, community (a place where women can feel comfortable asking whatever they need/want and where they can link up with a friend - or friends! - like them, to do joint workouts together)

2. Develop more programs that mothers and daughters (or sons!) can do together. Maybe even get Dads involved!

3. Offer them at times that are reasonable for everyone, not just early mornings!

4. Put together races and tris that can be done with baby! (Baby in stroller, bike trailer, - swim probably going to have to be Mommy solo)

5. More prenatal options that fit the individual woman's current fitness level and health

6. Make it more affordable. Design programs that fit/work for every budget.

What ideas do you have? What has kept you, as a woman, as a mother, from working out now or in the past? I'd love your honest feedback!

4 Months!

2010-10-28T15:34:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone!

Kaia, back again! It's my big 4 month birthday today so I thought I'd update you on my progress. Mommy weighed me in right about 13 pounds this morning and I'm hanging out around 26 inches. I'm starting to do a bit better sitting up by myself now and Mommy thinks I'll be sitting tall and strong by next month for sure. Every day Mommy helps me stand for a little while and feel the carpet between my toes . . . I totally LOVE it! I love and hate pretty much all the same things I did at 3 months but with a few changes to the list.

Here are a few more things I love:

1. I love being held, this part isn't new, but, sometimes I even like being held when we're sitting down too!
2. I love the sound that plastic makes.
3. I love to laugh when I find things that are silly - like puppies.
4. I love, love, love my Teddy.
5. I love to kick my rolly polly snail and make him sing.
6. I love walks - a lot.
7. I love talking to Daddy on the phone.
8. I really love my co-sleeper!
9. I also love my Your Baby Can Read video.
10.I love listening to the book Daddy recorded for me.
11.I love sucking in my lower lip.
12.I love waking up in the mornings.
13.I love my fingers.

I don't love baths but I don't hate them either so they go here in the middle.

I still detest sleeping and tummy time but now the thing I detest the very most in the whole wide world is my Daddy being gone :( Also, I hate having my fingernails clipped.

I bet you didn't even realize time was flying so fast did you? I'm such a big girl. I help Mommy a lot and take good care of her. We're doing a cupcake project together now and Mommy promised if she gets good enough at it she'll make me some really special ones for my birthday. She also said if she doesn't do too well at it she'll just buy me some really special ones, so, either way I'm pretty happy! I go in for another round of shots next week. I know it's good for me but oh how I hate shots! Don't you?!

Talk soon!
Amour Kaia

Dear Daddy

2010-10-27T12:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Daddy,

Today is Wednesday. I turn four months old tomorrow. And, Sunday is Halloween. It's hard to have all these days without you, from the little everyday ones to the big important ones. I miss you a lot. I am sorry that I've been missing your phone calls most mornings since I'm still sound asleep like a bug in a rug. It isn't always that way. Here are some of the things I miss about not having you here - of course, the list is nowhere near complete, but it is the top 10 reasons anyway (in no particular order).

1. I miss going to bed at night and having a warm snuggly Daddy next to me to drape his arm protectively nearby just to make sure I'm OK. And, I miss waking up and seeing you snuggled next to me on the weekends.

2. I miss having prickly beard kisses.

3. I miss not having to watch Mommy shower or take baths because we have each other to play with.

4. I miss the silly noises you used to make for me - Mommy tries to recreate them sometimes but it's just not the same.

5. I miss you coming through the door after work and giving me great big smooches!

6. I miss you taking me shopping and buying me things, even though I don't ask for anything.

7. I miss hearing your voice and seeing you at the same time. Especially when you're telling me how much you love me and how pretty I am!

8. I miss watching/helping you play computer games.

9. I miss our occasional naps together.

10. I miss your smells.

Really, Daddy, I just miss everything about you. I cannot wait until you come home. I promise to have lots of extra big slobbery kisses and hugs saved up for the moment you step off that plane! I know Mommy's going to want to give you hugs and kisses first but I'll be fighting her for the first one the whole time, you just wait and see!

Amour,
Your Little Princess,
Kaia

Amour

2010-10-26T20:15:00.000-07:00

What do you do when you love someone and you think they are making a mistake? A big one. One that can forever influence his/her life. The biggest thing you can do. The first thing, is to tell them. To be honest, to provide advice. To let it come from the heart, even though it may be hard.

But what do you do when they don't listen? Or when even if they listen, they don't fully hear, they don't take your advice?

I guess the only things you can do are to wait. To pray. To hope that it all turns out for the best in the end. I guess you have to hope that you're wrong.

On a more positive and less vague topic. I am back to exercising again. Right now I'm trying to take it slow-ish. Yesterday and today we walked. Tomorrow we will walk but I think I might try my intense cardio/strength DVD again too.

Sweet dreams my friends. I hope you had a great Tuesday!

Seeking Job

2010-10-25T17:19:00.000-07:00

I'm seeking a new job. Let me rephrase that, Kaia and I are seeking a new job. I am loving being a SAHM for the time being but Kaia and I love being out and about and we love . . .things, lots of things. So, we decided we should look for a job.

Know of any permanent, full-time or part-time, mother-daughter work out there? We're open to suggestions. We are good at walks - preferably without overly eager dogs, laughter, eating, playing baby games, watching movies, sometimes other forms of exercise, and, debatedly, blogging. We also are fans of learning. In fact, we'd love to learn something creative/crafty like blog design or cupcake making. Oh how I'd love to have my own cupcake shop with cute, delicious cupcakes. Anyone need some apprentices?

Our ultimate dream job would be to write for "Runner's World" or any other fab running magazine that would pay us a little cash to travel around the country (or world) to participate in and write reviews on different races. How does one get such a job?

No, seriously, how do you?

Sensitive Sunday

2010-10-24T10:15:00.000-07:00

I'm going to keep today's post short, sort of, but in honor of the Lords day, I think I'll also be super honest.

I am sensitive. Lately, overly sensitive it seems.

I'm not posting this for sympathy/pity comments, like the person who says oh, I'm so fat or so ugly just to hear people say, oh, no, you are sooo beautiful!

I'm posting it because, since we are getting to know each other, I think you should know this about me. Maybe it stems from a lack of self confidence but it is just as likely to be my current situation: at home, alone, with an infant, and a husband that is deployed. Who knows really, and who cares why I am. I just am.

I analyze and overanalyze everything these days. Who called. Who didn't call. Who said something nice. Who said something mean. Who didn't say anything at all. You get the picture.

I feel sad for me sometimes. Sometimes sad for my baby girl - she deserves to see her handsome Daddy everyday after all. And lots of times, I feel bad for other babies. I feel bad for babies born to mean, uncaring, or simply irresponsible parents. I feel bad for babies born in poverty, in drugs, in war. Then after I feel bad for the babies I feel bad for the kids. Then after I feel bad for the kids I feel bad for the adults (well, some of them) because, after all, adults used to be babies too and not everyone chose their situation. And not everyone could get out of it if they tried.

What do you feel sad about? Are you sensitive? What tugs at your heartstrings most?

Sunshine Saturday

2010-10-23T15:54:00.000-07:00

Today I am thankful for my beautiful friends and my lovely family.

Last night was a tough one on me. Todd officially left country, though he has been gone from home for a week before that, last night. I was a mess. Depressed might be an understatement. Of course Kaia keeps me afloat on the daily. Her little smiles - and need of food and diaper changes of course - keep me from going to bed and not getting out, even for showers. But, my friends and family also help keep me going too.

My Mom calls me whenever she can now so that I don't feel lonely. Despite my not being a "phone person" we manage to talk for hour long stretches half the time now. My sister is also trying to help out when she can with phone calls - she's a super busy Momma too with three of her own. My Mother-in-Law is a sweetheart and likes to call in to check up on us too. And my bestie, Nicole, is always perfect with texts and phone calls to cheer me up. Today, Kaia and I had a delightful day out with our friend Karen. Thank you Karen for our lovely, beautiful, afternoon!

Of course, I talk to Todd whenever I can. Every little bit helps but nothing is ever the same as having my other half here.

Now, there is you! Yes, you, reading this right now! You are all becoming my friends every day as you learn more about me and I learn more about you. Thank you so much for the comments! They too are little buoys that help keep me afloat. I look forward every day to reading your blogs. I look forward to reading your comments on mine. I look forward to feeling a connection to people I don't "know." Is that weird? Of course I'd love to meet you all in person too but all of your fabulousness is spread across the country! I wonder what it's like to meet a bloggy friend in person. Do any of you know? I'm sure it's cool and "normal like" if you meet a bloggy friend at bloggy boot camp or something but what about for coffee or lunch? Is it awkward? Like a first date kind of? Do you think you meet and then love each other less? Or do you love each other more? Is it a sustainable friendship? Or can it be lost easily because it started out as a virtual comittment free friendship? Would my bloggy friends be put off by my real life appearance in jeans or yoga pants - daily people, not just once in awhile? Or my lack of ability to wear make-up and do my hair? Or in some ways is a bloggy friend a better friend than some you'd meet in your day to day life because they know so many more of your inner thoughts and secrets because you're always spilling the beans here and have less of a filter?

Does anyone else think these things? Ask these questions about their bloggy friends? Do you ever want to meet your bloggy friends in person? Or is part of the appeal to a bloggy friend that you never have to?

Dogs & Exercise

2010-10-22T14:35:00.000-07:00

You've met all the members of my family now, at least briefly, except Kiyoshi. Kiyoshi has been with me the longest. He's a Shiba Inu, if you're not familiar, Shiba Inus are a Japanese dog, almost identical to an Akita in appearance, only smaller. Kiyoshi is loyal and overly friendly. He is also, as 99.9% of all Shiba Inus are, an escape artist. He finds his way out of leashes, collars, yards (yes, fenced ones), and houses. And let me tell you, he is also fast, not fastest human fast but think cheetah fast. Once he's off and running there are only three ways to catch him. One, catch him when he stops to poop. Two, run over to the car, open the back door for him and shout, "Yosh, want to go for a ride in the car?!" Riding in the car is his ultimate favorite! I don't know what it is. Generally, he is not interested in coming back for a treat.

The last means of retrieving Yoshi will be revealed in this recent story. Two days ago Kaia and I took both doggies out to go potty. Before leaving, I double checked Kiyoshi's leash, collar, and attachment and we headed out. All was going well, both dogs did their business, Kiyoshi even pooped. Just after completing poop scooping detail we get ready to head home. But, in that same instant a key change is made and Houdini is off his leash. He takes one smirking look back and then he's off. Well, he's already pooped so I'm not catching him that way. My car is also too far away to be of any use and besides, I don't have my keys anyway. So I watch him run for a moment, gauge where he is going, . . . straight towards and across (thankfully) the busy highway of course. Where else would you expect a thrill seeking dog to go? Duh!

I then deposit Jers back in the house and Kaia in her car seat. We jump in the car and get a call from a lady at the gas station across the way. "Do you own Kiyoshi?" Sigh, yes, that's me. OK, I have him over at the Amoco. We pull in and there's my little buddy being held by an attendant with a Styrofoam cup of water in front of him. I load Kiyoshi in the car and the lady says, "I was pumping gas and he just runs right up and jumps on me and the car, my dog was in the backseat. I figured another customer probably didn't even realize he got out of their car so I took him to the store and open the door to ask if he belongs to anyone and he gets loose and starts running around the store. Of course they tell me whoa! no dogs allowed in here but next thing you know everyone's like, aw bring him some water!" Yes people, Kiyoshi is cute and remember, overly friendly - thanks to my superb socialization of this dog, who I used to take to work with me as a puppy. And thus, the last way to catch him, hope someone that is not you or a member of your family is outside. If this happens, he runs straight into their arms and makes a new best friend.

And, on to the exercise topic. Short and sweet since Kiyoshi's story was longer than I intended. I bought a home gym and elliptical. Perhaps by November I will be working out better without excuses. Of course, I will keep you posted. I apologize for not posting stats this week but have been too depressed since I can't work out due to the broken foot.

Nightime, Height & New Faces

2010-10-21T19:20:00.000-07:00

So, a little fact about Kaia's Daddy and I. We're both 5' 5" or, in other words, not very tall at all. However, somewhere Kaia has managed to acquire tall genes. I'm not sure if this is permanent or merely a faze. Right now, Kaia is 16 weeks old and, at yesterday's measurement, she was roughly 26" long. I wasn't really sure what that meant to us so I pulled out my handy dandy Your Baby's First Year - week by week and I'll be darned if it didn't say that the average height of a 23 to 24 week old baby is 26" long. Whoa!

Kaia's also taken to sucking her bottom lip in. I did not even realize how often she was doing it until her Daddy mentioned it yesterday while we talked to him on Skype. Then, the rest of the night and all day today I noticed how often she's pulling it. I also found I was self conscious because Todd also told me I do it. Say what?! I honestly never noticed myself doing it. There was never a time where I said, oh, I'll pull my lower lip in. Or, oh, hm, I'm pulling my lower lip in right now. I thought he must be crazy. He couldn't tell me when I've done it in the past either. He just said I do sometimes. So, the rest of the night and all day today I kept checking on myself to see if I was doing it. Nope, wasn't catching myself in the act. Until I did that is. Apparently, mid vacuum, while my mind drifted off, I stopped and realized I was sucking my bottom lip in! What the heck?! I swear that's the first time I've ever done that! Sigh, or maybe just the first time I've ever noticed. In any case, I seriously hope Kaia doesn't pick up on any of my bad habits. I do need to use better language though, I know that. I'm not saying I'm a potty mouth but I have let the odd bad word out in her presence and I really don't want to be the Mommy who's daughter's first word is a$$h*le or something like that.

Now, since it's almost nighttime again here. Or should I say it is nighttime here. I will get into what a typical night here looks like. It's 10PM now. I would love to go to bed soonish. However, Kaia HATES going to bed. I'm trying to get a good routine going so I'll take her up shortly and she'll hang out with Mommy while I get ready for bed. Then I turn out all but the nightlights, turn the classical music on, and walk/bounce/pat Kaia around the room until she falls asleep or gets hungry, eats, and falls asleep. This is the only method that works for us. Please don't judge. The putting her to sleep before she's asleep method does NOT work for us. (Yes, I have tried.)

Also, we do co-sleep. I know that's a big no no for a lot of you out there. To make you feel a little better about it. I am not obese. I don't smoke or take any kind of sleep inducing narcotics. I also do not toss and turn. There are no pillows or blankets for her to get suffocated in. OK, I think that covers the big ones before someone asks. Oh, wait, I have a queen sized bed that currently is just occuppied by Kaia and I and the dogs do not co-sleep with us.

Moving on, since Kaia was a newborn she has slept in an in-bed co-sleeper. We had the brand new shiny (not cheap) bassinet. She did not like it. Well, the in-bed co-sleeper is now almost too small, see her long legs above, so Mommy wants her to be more comfortable. I tried the bassinet again two nights ago. No cigar folks. It was awful. Last night I tried putting the bassinet "mattress" in the bed and baby proofed around it. Again, horrible. This was even worse than the bassinet. Kaia was not having it at all. Both nights I ended up putting her back in her co-sleeper as she, obviously, was requesting. Hey, I don't have help here and I couldn't stay awake all night without putting her in danger from a sleep deprived Mommy that was liable to literally fall over.

That's our current trial. And now it's time for us to get our bedtime ritual on folks. Sweet dreams! Wish us luck tonight! As always, thanks for stopping by!

Dear Kaia

2010-10-20T09:17:00.000-07:00

Dear Kaia,

I've been thinking about you a lot lately. Even more than before - which I didn't think was possible - now that Daddy's gone and it's just you and I. You are so beautiful. I fell in love with you the first moment I laid eyes on your pretty face. And now that you are a couple months older, your smile just breaks my heart. You are very good to your Mommy. You aren't a fussy or difficult baby. You do prefer to be held, but then I prefer holding you too, so it all works out well.

You continue to get longer every day. I wish you'd gain a little more weight though. You are a skinny baby. You also - generally - are an amazing little sleeper. Whenever I think I couldn't love you any more, I do. You give me strength. You help me through the days without your Daddy. You look so much like him. You have his gorgeously thick lashes, his cute scoop nose, his ears, the shape of his face. You do have your Mommy's down turned lips though and my eyes. Your hair is all your own. Your cheeks are incredibly soft and scream for kisses all day. Your Daddy is afraid some day you will hate kisses because we kiss/kissed you so much as a baby.

I've always wanted a lot of things. A husband just like your Daddy. A nice house. A car. You! Now I want even more than ever! The list is so long I don't know if I will be able to fit it all into this letter but I will try. Forgive me for anything I may forget to add. If it's good, you can be sure I meant to write that too.

I wish and I want for you all the day long! I want you to have lots of friends. I want some of them to be so close they are like a part of you and you stay friends forever. I don't want you to be teased or bullied. I want you to be smart, to love school, and books, to love reading. I want to give you all the things you need and some of the things you want. I want to give you a beautiful home with a yard and your own room - maybe a pool. I want you to always be well fed, to never go hungry. I want you to always be warm enough in the winter and cool enough in the summer. I want to teach you how to swim, how to ride a bike, how to defend yourself. I want you to be healthy - physically, emotionally, mentally. I want to be able to make it better when you do get sick or hurt. I want you to ALWAYS know that you are loved, no matter what. I want you to love others. I want you to be strong, courageous, and confident. I want you to be kind. I want you to ALWAYS feel beautiful and special. I want you to believe in all the important things, like God and that dreams do come true. I want you to believe in yourself. I even want you to believe in the little things like Santa and the Easter Bunny. I want to give you a brother or sister some day. I want you to love each other, defend each other, be friends. I want you to feel protected and safe. I want you to go to college - hopefully, not too far from Mommy and Daddy. I want you to always be financially secure. I want you to have your dream job - even if that's being a Mommy. I want you to find the man of your dreams. I want him to live up to your expectations and give you all the things you deserve to have. I don't want your heart to ever be broken. If anyone ever does break your heart I want to fix that too and make it all better. I want you to learn from your mistakes. I want you to travel. I want you to be able to experience your world. I want you to appreciate it and cherish it. I want you to feel a part of everything. I want you to love music and the arts. I want you to know other languages. I want you to find your passion. I want you to participate in sports, whether that's dance, karate, or anything in between. I want you to know, really know, your Aunts, Uncles, cousins, Grandparents. I hope you'll see the beauty in everything. I don't ever want you to feel depressed or hopeless. I hope that you will have a grand imagination. I hope you can find the humour in things. I hope you never really see or experience war or hate. I hope you will live out your life in a world full of peace and love. I hope you will try new things like different foods and experiences. I hope you never feel dependent on drugs or alcohol. I hope you are compassionate. I want you to sleep well and dream sweet. I want us to be close. I want you to know that you can always trust me. I want you to have freedom. I want you to be proud of who you are and where you came from. I want you to know how proud I am of you. I want you to grow up knowing that your Daddy is your real world super hero and that he loves you with all his heart. I want your Daddy and I to be alive and healthy to celebrate your graduations, marriage, birth of your children, and other successes and milestones in your life. I don't ever want to be a burden to you and your family. I want you to enjoy a long, healthy life. Most of all, I want you to be happy. Supremely, purely, blissfully, happy. I want all this for you and more my beautiful daughter.

I love you now and 'til the end of time,
Mommy

Inspiration

2010-10-18T19:06:00.000-07:00

I spent a lot of time reading your posts today. There were so many GREAT posts written today. Some were all about truth. Some where informational/educational. Others were funny. All of them were inspirational in one way or another. They were well written. They had great content. I was reminded why sometimes women (and men) stay in abusive relationships. I was asked to consider my own faith, my own truths. I was reminded not to take my life, or myself, too seriously. I was reminded that you, the wonderful people who read my blog, deserve to have your expectations met when you drop by. I hope I'm doing that, though I am still navigating and learning every day.

Nothing overly exciting, funny, or noteworthy happened to me today. I found out I either sprained some ligaments in my foot or got a stress fracture. This will slow down my fitness goals this week. I took Kaia and both dogs on a walk today. That was a challenge but it was beautiful nonetheless.

I think the one thing I most want to write today is that yes, I'm going through things right now. I'm a new Mommy. My husband's gone off to the sand box for awhile. I don't know anyone here. But, one of the best ways to get through your hard times is by helping others through theirs. I would love to help any of you in any way I can. If you allow me to help you in some way, really, you are helping me. So what can I do for you?

Does anyone need an ear to listen? A friend to write snail mail? Or does it help to just listen to my various stories day to day?

What kinds of things do you want to hear from me in my posts?

Hungry

2010-10-17T11:47:00.000-07:00

My sweet baby had her last meal last night around 1115. She woke up this morning just before 7 to eat again. Long sleep. Good baby.

Mommy tried to feed her again at 1015ish. Not interested but did choke down about 5 minutes worth. So, I gave her a bath and got her dressed. Tried again, nope, no thanks Mom.

Alright, got the doggies fed, Jersey's pill consumed, pottied. Tried again. No cigar.

Tried watching her Your Baby Can Read DVD. A few minutes was ok. Then we were back to fussing but not eating. Other random things tried. Diaper changing of course. Playing with her favorite snail. Pumping her legs. Walking her around with the classical music blaring. Alternating screaming and calmness continues. Try feeding her again. Angrier than ever. Call sister for advice. Keep doing what I'm doing pretty much. Back in the Bjorn, jogging her around the house, then she's out like a light! Well, that lasts for a little bit then she's back awake. Try feeding again. SCREAMING ensues. Back in the Bjorn, bounce/jogging. Starts to fall back asleep. Mommy's awfully concerned though. Baby's Pediatrician says I can bring her in in about an hour so we can make sure she's ok.

Mommies back to being sad. Her sweet baby has only eaten 20 minutes worth of food in the last 15 1/2 hours! What am I doing wrong?! Is baby ok?!

No Daddy here. No sister here. No Grandma here. No Bestie here. Only one friend in this whole stinking town but I don't even know where she is. Probably out of town.

What a sh*tastic Sunday!

Saturday Sunshine

2010-10-16T08:44:00.000-07:00

I decided to post earlier than usual today as Kaia is currently napping and there is no telling if she will nap again today after she wakes up. I woke up a bit sluggish and sad this morning. Having Kaia to take care of is keeping me from sinking too far into the depths though. I don't want her to see Mommy sad and crying all the time. Besides, she kept giving me the biggest smiles and cute little noises this morning to push me along.

The sun is shining so brightly here this morning and the air is crisp and clean, though a bit too cool for my liking. It is very refreshing. I think I will take Kaia for a walk in it a little later this afternoon.

Now, for this morning's blooper. Have I told you my dog Jersey is neurotic? He is, very. Think Salvador Dali, melting clocks and ghoulish faces on a canvas, neurotic. Remember we had to go to the vet on Thursday? Well, Monsieur Jersey has a sweet little rash in and around his crotchal area. It provides the poor puppy hours of entertainment as he licks away at it, much to his mother's embarrassment - particularly while company is present. This time the vet finally prescribed some medicine. Of course, this has to happen when Daddy the Great is no longer here to administer said medicine. Today was the first time that I had to do it myself. There was no way he would eat the pill straight so I first tried sticking the pill down the center of a piece of string cheese. He LOVED the cheese and proceeded to spit the pill back out on the floor. Of course my other delightful dog, Kiyoshi, jumped on the opportunity for what he thought was a treat so, also early Saturday morning, I could be seen through my large kitchen windows WWF style wrestling with Kiyoshi's mouth to retrieve the "treat" back. Some time later, exhausted, I looked down at the floor feeling defeated that Kiyoshi had indeed swallowed his brother's "treat" I spotted the culprit on the floor. Success!

Next I wrapped it cleverly in a slice of cheese. See result number one. At this point I'm pretty perturbed so raise my voice ever so slightly, "Just EAT the darn thing" it comes out a bit like a growl and now I'm acting a bit neurotic I suppose. Well, we think Jersey, rescue dog that he is, may have been beaten as a young puppy so he tinkles all over my kitchen floor. Oh joy.

Last resort, I crush the stupid thing into a million little powdery pieces, sprinkle it over his breakfast and throw some treats in his bowl for good measure. Jersey LOVES his food. But, apparently, the dog who is afraid of the rain, the refrigerator, "tight" or "small" spaces, and his own shadow is also wise to this crushed up pill. He finally ate a few bites an hour after it had been stirred up in his bowl but well over half remains uneaten. Please people, for the love of Pete. What else can I do to get my neurotic, short bus dog, to eat these stupid pills? I can not do this every morning!

Gone

2010-10-15T15:29:00.000-07:00

Hubby's gone. I'm depressed.

No, I did not work out today. No I do not plan to.

I probably will try and force myself to the gym most days from here on out until he returns though as it will be my one sure way of a stress free unrushed shower upon workout completion thanks to the lovely ladies in the kid zone.

Great and Terrible

2010-10-14T21:13:00.000-07:00

Today was a combination of great and terrible. It started out great. Kaia was a jewel to her mother. She slept for 9 hrs last night. Amazing - (great)! Then it was time to get ready for the day. Does it take anyone around two hours most mornings to even get downstairs?

Phone calls to make appointments came next. Ran in for a quick flu shot (yay for not getting sick!) Back home for a quick lunch. Before I knew it, it was time to go, go, go. Jersey and Kiyoshi had a vet appointment . . . $500 (terrible)! From there I was off to my eye appointment. New glasses may be the answer to more headaches recently (great)! But the price of the lenses, almost $300 (terrible)!

Back home to get ready for hubby's birthday dinner, Thai downtown (great)! Home again to one of our favorite shows, The Office, and some birthday dessert (great)! Of course I was feeling bad and knew I couldn't not work out again so tried out my new video, Jackie Xtreme Timesaver Training, great workout! Terrible feeling! My legs were so shaky, too many squats and lunges for my liking but I'm going to try and hang twice a week. Kaia literally laughed at me/it while I was sweating it out.

Now it's finally time for bed after I post. Hubby's bday as of midnight (great)! Day hubby has to leave us . . . terrible doesn't even accurately describe it.

Short and Sweet

2010-10-13T20:39:00.000-07:00

Happy hump day everyone. Hope it went well for all you ladies! I had a nice day which included a massage and pedicure spa treatment. A girl can't complain about that. I'm really going to miss the hubby everyone, and am trying to give him plenty of attention the next couple of days before he leaves. I hope you all will bear with me while my posts may be lacking in length or content for the next couple of days. I do have lots of good ideas for future posts swimming around in my head though! And, my new design should be up soon! Yay for that!

Oh, yesterday I did do a short workout - 30 minutes of Wii Biggest Loser. It actually felt pretty tough at times but it, disappointingly, told me I only burned 20 calories. What's up with that?! Today I did absolutely nothing.

Support Cora

2010-10-12T18:53:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone. Though I want to be a mother, a woman, who inspires others, I found a blog and a woman that is stronger than I could ever be.

My daughter is my everything. When she was only a week old her breathing slowed, became shallow, she became unresponsive in my arms. I panicked. Nothing I did was waking her. I called 9-1-1. Thank God she was ok. They still don't know what it was, what happened. I knew though, in that moment, that this is a mother's worst nightmare. Even after the Doctor's cleared her, even after we were allowed to go back home, I was terrified. I cried and cried. Her Daddy cried. Kaia scared us half to death.

Kristine lost her beautiful daughter, Cora, after only five days of life. In those five days, she changed a lot of lives, and now, she is saving lives with her Mother. Please check out Kristine's page at Cora's Story It is an amazing story that will bring you to tears. Kristine has written Cora 5 letters, one for each day that she was alive. Though the story is tragic it is also such a beautiful testament to a mother's love. Their story touched me to the depths of my soul and I am confident it will touch you as well.

Thank you!

Weekly Stats Part Trois

2010-10-11T18:49:00.000-07:00

Drum roll please . . .

This weeks stats -
Weight: 116
Body Fat: 20.5%

So, after two amazing back to back days of workouts last week I proceeded to take a three day vacation with my husband in which we did no more exercise than walking and pushing the stroller with baby. Thus, the increase in body fat % this week. The weight decrease can likely be explained by the fact that hubs, baby, and I went for a mile and a half jog and I finished up with some crunches and wimpy push-ups. Of course I knew that I could use all the help I could get so I did not hydrate before the weigh in. If I had I am sure my weight would have been at least the same as last week, if not more.

I keep saying it, but I really need to be more dedicated to my goal. I have too many excuses and not enough success.

Some of my famous excuses are:

1. Kaia's fussy/ready to eat again
2. I'm exhausted
3. It's too late/too early
4. I was just leaving when the phone rang
5. I don't want to work out during vacation/my husband's last week home/etc
6. No, really, I am exhausted
7. I deserve a little relaxation time
8. My favorite show is on
9. The house needs cleaned

Before I had Kaia I used to hate to do workouts shorter than 90 minutes or two a days. I did a good mix of cardio and strength. I almost always fit it in at least 5 days a week if not 6. Now I am lucky to do 30 minutes a couple of times a week. I know I write about this a lot. Perhaps it's getting boring to hear but I must admit I have a tendency to obsess over things. I am also a bit of a hypochondriac and a worrier at times. In fact, working out is probably what kept me the most balanced and least prone to depression.

Alas, on to a new week.

Undeserving

2010-10-10T16:54:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel completely and utterly undeserving, yet blissfully happy and grateful? This is the way I felt last night, and still do today. All the women in my family are fabulous and wonderful in their own unique ways.

My Great Grandma was one of the most amazing, warm, and selfless people I have ever met. She took in all her children, grandchildren, great granchildren, and extended family whenever they needed a permanent home or a temporary respite. She organized and spearheaded family reunions. She was our family's glue.

My Grandma is different from my Great Grandma but at the same time very similar. She was a little less "mothering" a little more rough around the edges perhaps but yet very loving and selfless. She too took everyone in when they needed it. I remember the countless weekends, holidays, and summers that I would spend escaping the day to day of life back home at Grandma's house.

My Mom had a tough childhood. She didn't have a lot growing up. Still, she put herself through college and later was forced to make the tough choice of giving up her career to stay home and take care of her kids. My Mom was definitely meant to be a Mother. She is very loving and still takes care of her Grandbabies when and however she can.

Then, there is my beautiful big sister. She has forever been both my role model and my best friend. She is an amazing mother. She is smart, beautiful, loving, and wise beyond her years.

I also have countless wonderful aunts and cousins.

But, almost all these wonderful women have, unfortunately, often been so unlucky in love. I, like most, have had many unlucky experiences myself from my teens through my mid twenties. I was beginning to feel I too would never find permanent happiness.

But, I did! I found my amazing husband - or he found me. We dated, got engaged, married, and we just had our first beautiful baby three months ago. I could not be happier. I could not feel more blessed. He is my soulmate. He loves me unconditionally. He makes me feel beautiful. He does not mind that I don't wear make-up or could never win a most fashionable woman contest. He brings home the bacon and he helps me around the house. I know I am a lucky woman.

Soon my husband will be deploying for several months and it breaks my heart to have to see him go. This weekend he took us (Kaia and I) on a short vacation before he goes. As I lay in bed last night looking at our beautiful daughter and at my sleeping husband my heart swole up with my good fortune and my love for these two people. Words could never express. I will sorely miss my other half and I barely know how I will get on without him.

Friday Rocked!

2010-10-09T06:50:00.000-07:00

Friday was fabulous! First off, Kaia slept and slept and slept. This meant that Mommy got to sleep, and sleep, and sleep, leaving her feeling well rested for the first time in quite awhile. Then I got to meet with someone about changing my Reserve Unit. It went well which left me extra happy and excited because I'll be able to do my actual job again AND I'll be closer to home meaning less travel and less time away from baby. Yay!

Then we all headed out to the beach for a short weekend vacation. It's nice to get away for a couple of days and not have to stress about anything. (Also, as I am typing this, Kaia is watching a cute little cartoon and the little animals are laughing which is making her laugh - too cute!)

Yesterday was my fabulous niece's birthday. Daddy's birthday is right around the corner and Kaia gave him his birthday present early. He loved it! Today's got big shoes to fill; I hope it measures up!

Making Friends

2010-10-07T20:26:00.000-07:00

My beautiful little girl is going to be one of the popular girls, a mother can see these things early on. She LOVES talking already. When she gets going you would swear she must be speaking a foreign language you don't have the privilege of knowing. It's not just to Mommy and Daddy though, she also LOVES talking on the phone. She gets so excited when Daddy or Grandma calls and I put them on speaker for her.

Then, there are her friends. Neither Daddy or I can see them, but they hang out somewhere near the top curtain line in the living room. Sometimes she'll sit propped up on my knees and stare up at them. They must be funny, these friends, because they like to make Kaia giggle. Whatever/whoever they are, I like to think guardian angels maybe, I'm grateful they make her happy.

Oh, I almost forgot! There is also her impecable sense of style.

On another note I have now worked out two days in a row - three-ish miles with Kaia, a few push-ups & sit-ups. I'm sore from yesterday, particularly the butt and legs.

Tomorrow starts a short vacation. Yay!

Comments

2010-10-06T18:55:00.001-07:00

I fixed them! Comment away everyone!

Workin' It Out

2010-10-06T13:59:00.000-07:00

Well, I kept my promise. I worked out today. In the motivating spirit of Biggest Loser I did my Jillian Michaels work-out DVD and ran up and down my stairs for 10 minutes. This brings my total work-out time for the day to an earth shattering 35 minutes. Does anyone else do work-out DVDs? I know that the trainers are trying to motivate me, the slob, on the other side of the TV but does Jillian have to be so perky? I mean, she was hi fiving, bouncing, and flirting with her co-exercisers (men and women both so no favoritism was shown ;). In the meantime, I was sweating, panting, and stumbling around my living room while my husband, daughter, and dogs all looked on with a mixture of bemusement and pity. This was not always this hard!

I suppose, even though short and somewhat pathetic, the end result was still achieved. I worked out, I sweated, and I ended up shaky and wanting to vomit at the end. And just to clarify, I am in no way promoting the Jillian Michaels work-out as the be all end all. What I am saying is that I am, terribly and unquestionably, out of shape.

Also, I know the stupid comments thing still doesn't work. I'm trying to fix it but I am so very un-tech savvy.

Weight Loss

2010-10-05T19:16:00.000-07:00

Sitting here watching my favorite TV show . . . Biggest Loser. All I can think about is how much I miss working out like I used to. I'm thinking about my fitness goals. I'm thinking about how I want to do it. I'm thinking about how I want to be out there running, lifting again, doing classes at the gym. But then I just keep thinking about how I'm not. How whenever I get ready to go Kaia gets fussy or hungry, how when she hasn't, the day/night before was so rough that I'm so exhausted I can barely drag my butt off the chair for more than taking care of my baby or cleaning the house. I think about how my favorite thing to do to make myself feel better and feel good about myself has always been working out. I think about how the only other thing that really has made me feel that way is food. I think how it sucks that food is so much easier to access right now and how I feel like I am relying on it more to keep my spirits lifted. I think about how it's a double edged sword though because even though it makes me feel better short term, long term it only makes me feel worse.

One of my friends told me about P90X this weekend and how it really is a great workout, one you do from home in your own living room. I think how that's probably a little bit more doable for me right now. So, I'm thinking about it, seriously. I know it's shelling out more money but if it works it's worth it. Sigh, we'll see. I'm thinking about another version by the same trainer though because I feel like it's more up my alley. It's called Insanity. If I order it, and do it, I will definitely let you all know how it works for me.

For tonight, back to watching other people trying to get to that happy weight place from my comfy chair. One way or another, tomorrow I WILL work out!

Weekly Stats

2010-10-04T10:20:00.000-07:00

The ever dreaded weekly stats are posting now, a little late.

Unfortunately, I lost no weight. Thankfully, I did lose a little body fat. Amazing really when I didn't meet my fitness goals as much as I was hoping.

Weight: 117.2
Body Fat %: 19

I hope everyone's doing well out there with their fitness goals! I've still not received any outjogging requests yet so I guess you're all doing your running on your own :)

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Mommy

2010-10-04T10:16:00.000-07:00

Two short posts this beautiful Monday morning.

The words in the title of this blog are the four words that kept repeating themselves over and over in my head yesterday as I sat, crouched, behind the passenger side of the car on the floor of my Acura . . . pumping. Really, I'm thinking to myself, is this my life now? Certainly there is a more dignified way to be a Mommy without having to fear that a random co-worker may stumble by your car, wonder why your little ponytailed head is poking up at the back window, peak in to tease you about it, and see you mortified, staring back at her, shirt up, boob out, dairy cow contraption attached. Oh please, couldn't every work place have a lovely little room for Mommies like me? That'd be wonderful wouldn't it? I'd decorate it myself. I'd hope it would have a nice big comfy chair, some lovely air freshner plug in, a cute little lamp, some soothing music, a soft pillow, a lock on the door of course, and maybe some lovely photos and art work on the wall. I don't think it's too much to ask. I mean, no one is asked to crouch down and pee in the back of their car, right? Couldn't that argument be made?

*sigh* I suppose a girl can dream

This is the day the Lord has Made

2010-10-03T05:01:00.000-07:00

Let us rejoice and be glad. Thank you Lord for getting me through my long day yesterday. Please be with me as I go through my day today. Yesterday I was up at 4am for work, today I got to sleep in until 5am!

I don't know what the worst part is, waking up, staying up, driving, being with a bunch of obnoxious people, or being away from my husband and baby for almost the whole weekend. The combination is too much!

I watched the premiere of Sister Wives on TLC last Sunday. It's about a Mormon family in Utah with three wives, thirteen kids, a girlfriend (with three kids), and one husband/boyfriend. The first thing I said to my husband when I saw the preview was, "How is this a T.V. show? That's illegal." But, it aired, and I watched. First of all, I'm not buying that whole happy, happy act they were all putting on. Sure, I could buy the husband's happy but the three wives? I don't think so. I suppose TLC achieved their purpose though. I am fascinated by these people's lives and have more questions than answers. Alas, my questions may remain unanswered though. My fabulous cousin texted me yesterday to the big news announcement, "Police announce they've begun an investigation for a possible felony charge of bigamy against stars of Sister Wives. TLC had no comment." Shucks! Didn't see that one coming!

Happy Sunday everyone! Weekly stats coming soon . . .

The Earth Is Flat

2010-10-02T10:42:00.000-07:00

And so when I went out walking - as part of my fitness goals of course, I fell off. That's why I have not posted in a couple of days. In a way, I wish that was the case. Instead, my life has just gotten the better of me as of late.

After I posted design envy, I decided maybe I could be a good and smart person and figure out how to redesign my own blog. I spent the better part of one whole day trying very hard, killing several poor, innocent, unsuspecting brain cells I'm sure, before realizing it is even harder than I thought. I have not completely given up hope but I definitely could use a class or a really, really good Barney style break down at the least.  I'm so impressed with all the amazing women and Mommies out there who have figured out blog design, like Katie, from Fancy Pants and Cleared for Take Off.

My mother-in-law and two sister-in-laws arrived yesterday so, of course, that means a deep clean of the house before arrival too. Busy, busy, busy!  My sweet little Kaia has taken to staying up even later than normal too. The past two nights she has been up until 2 am.  Luckily, last night Todd stayed up with my (our) angel because this morning I woke up at 4 am to go to work for the weekend. Yay!

I usually LOVE the weekends, but this one I can't wait to be over!

Please check back again though! I'll try and stay on the ball - post again tomorrow - and hopefully I'll have another clever post on Monday.

Design Envy

2010-09-29T19:30:00.000-07:00

What does it say about me, mother who is still wearing gym shorts and t-shirts half the time and jeans/jean shorts and t-shirts the other half, no make-up, sometimes brushed, sometimes unbrushed hair, and flip flops ever since Kaia was born but I am unfazed? Instead, I'm preoccupied with coveting the designs, frills, flare, glitz, and glam of the blog world.

I want people to take a second look at my page. I want to "view blog" and see pink, purple, turquoise, a cute cartoon Kaia & I (me in running shoes, Kaia poking out in jogging stroller maybe), books (we are a chronicles after all), a cute take away button, the list goes on.

I wish I knew how to do it on my own. I wish I had the time and patience to learn. I wish that I could order a design and see immediate results. I guess that's what makes it so enviable though, so special. And so here I am impatiently waiting. Hopefully, in the next several weeks I can stop envying the other beautiful designs out there and have one of my own!

A note on my fitness progress, so far, fail. Kaia's eating, sleeping, and fussing patterns have been making it difficult. Then, to top it off, after yesterday's three mile baby jogger jog I realized I have a terrible case of runners knee that's made walk/bouncing Kaia around next to unbearable. Don't worry, I'll keep going though! I might just have to ease into it a little more slowly.

Shout out to all of my followers, thank you so much for your visits. You all inspire me daily to keep writing and dreaming. A couple of you lovely ladies have said you've tried to leave comments without success. I'll do my best to figure out what the problem is. It's always so nice to hear your thoughts, good and bad.

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

2010-09-28T18:00:00.000-07:00

Hi Baby Mamma Chronicle Followers, Kaia here. Mom said since it's my three month birthday today I could do the post. I thought I'd share a list of my favorite things with you all.

1. Being held by someone standing up
2. Bouncing
3. Walking or jogging
4. Silly sounds
5. Making Mommy and Daddy look silly trying to make me happy
6. The sounds animals make
7. Music
8. Did I mention bouncing?
9. Lights and pictures projected on the ceiling
10.Sitting up by myself on the couch or in my swing
11.Milk
12.Talking on the phone - especially to Grandma
13.My Bjorn
14.Dancing
15.Staying up late
16.Mommy and Daddy

I will also list a few things I detest:

1. Sitting on anyone's lap unless eating or sleeping
2. Sleeping
3. Tummy Time
4. Half of the things Mommy and Daddy bought for me like my play crib, real crib, and bassinet

You'll also be excited to know that I am now 12lbs and am too big for most of my 0-3 months clothes now and am getting ready for size 2 diapers. I started laughing for the first time on September 22nd while I helped Daddy play wii tennis. On the same day Mommy started me on the Your Baby Can Read program. Right now I'm not that into it but I'll let you know if my mind changes. I went swimming for the first time on September 24th and was such a big girl in the pool. I'm growing so fast Mommy can hardly believe it. I'm sure that I'll be back before you know it giving you another update.

Kaia